Well as of late, life has been going pretty dang good. I feel like things in my life right now are really going well (or at least the majority of things in my life). I’ve been really happy with my relationship with the hubster lately. It feels like we’re getting closer and closer each day, and that feeling is absolutely amazing to me. It’s like we’re falling in love all over again, the right way this time.
In striving to find a healthy balance for myself, my goal is to work on getting more comfortable with eating different foods, instead of my “go-to” foods or the foods that are my familiar choices. Also, I need to get to a place of healthy exercising. Knowing how I’ve always been, I like to push my limits, and push them some more and a little bit more. But I need to realize that I have to set these healthy limits for myself…realizing that doing so is not a sign of weakness but actually a sign of inner strength.
I realize no one can do this for me. I know what balanced and healthy is but only I can choose to find that place for myself or not. For so long, I have lived so unbalanced and so unhealthily. It’s hard to really find my footing in the world of “being healthy”. But I’m determined to work on this.
One thing that has been a constant struggle for me, or has been an area of weakness for me, is my overeating late at night. And the majority of the time, the food choices I made were all sugary, sweets. The absolute worst type of food to have right before going to bed. I’d get in this vicious cycle where I’d eat SO much crappy food late at night that I’d feel so guilty about it the next morning and feel like I needed to watch so carefully what I ate during the day as a result of my overindulgence the previous night. I could NOT get out of this pattern. It was a reoccurring thing each day for me.
I knew that I needed to re-work my whole eating schedule…consuming more food during the day, eating less at night. But for me, this was so hard. I had all these cravings for sugar at night. The reason, I know, is because I wasn’t getting enough food and nutrients throughout the day and my body was in need of more fuel. Sugar is the quickest means of filling that need, so that’s what my body craved. This inability to eat more balanced throughout the day is a direct result from my ED.
But for about the last week now, since getting more motivation to work on my recovery, I have been working slowly on improving my intake during the day. Specifically, eating when I’m hungry and my body needs food versus trying to push off and fight my hunger. Also I’ve been starting to exercise again…but in a balanced and healthy way, not overworking myself, but listening to my body when enough is enough instead of waiting for the calorie count or the distance I’ve covered tell me when to stop. As a result of this, my sugar (and food cravings in general) at night have dropped SO much. I have a snack each night…but it is just a small snack…and it is rarely anything that is very sugary at all. I know my limits too. I used to eat and eat and eat without being conscious of the amount of food I was really taking in, but now I have a small snack at night and know when to stop.
It feels great coming to this place…getting into a healthier routine with my eating and working out. It’s helping me become more rounded and normalized. Small steps, that is true. But I will take whatever small steps I can in the right direction!
Here’s to feeling good, because it’s good! 😀