I have been absolutely in love with running lately. I always enjoyed running in the past, but for my lack of keeping healthy and for proper rest in between runs, I would start a running routine and be forced to stop before I made any real progress. This time, I really want to do things right. My goal in a one year period is to do at least one 5k, one 10k and to do a half marathon. I know this is attainable for me, IF I keep myself healthy. That is a big ‘if’ for me though. I would be so disappointed in myself if I let myself get off track again and have to stop running.
So far this time around, I have been very balanced with my running. I have been running and then resting my legs the next day and doing a different workout…either taebo or doing the elliptical. I’m respecting my body’s limits too in that I won’t over-run on any given day. When my legs feel like they’ve had enough, I will stop and respect my body. I won’t keep going and push myself more and more. This is huge for me. So for this, I am very proud.
On to my less proud confessions…the eating portion of staying healthy is really not going good. I am not eating properly..falling back into old habits of not nourishing my body when it needs nourishment and when I finally do eat, it isn’t balanced and enough for my body. I know I need to get out of this pattern, especially if I want to allow myself to keep running and to keep healthy. Otherwise, again, my body will give out on me. Eating and proper nutrition is essential now more than ever, since I’m working on my running routine. But I am seriously lacking the oomph I need to get myself on track. So, I’m thinking of swallowing my pride (yet again) and getting help. I stopped going to REDI last year. I hadn’t seen my dietitian since I left IOP the last time around, which may have been back in August of last year. I stopped seeing my therapist in either September or October of last year. Well, because at the time, I was doing really good and didn’t think I needed it anymore. Yet, as I have seen time and time again, I have too much confidence in short-term success and check myself out far too soon. So this time, I think I really need to have some follow-through and stick to it…even after I am convinced that I’m “back on track” and won’t fall off track again.
I’m thinking a change of venue may be right this time. I’ve had my time at REDI and it was great there, I really did learn a lot and I gained a lot of help and support. But my dietitian is on maternity leave and to be quite honest, I didn’t really ever get much out of the sessions I had with my therapist…so maybe now is time to change my approach and support team. Yes, they all know me and my story at REDI and going elsewhere and seeing a new dietitian and therapist would require starting from scratch, but maybe that’s what I need. A new, blank slate.
I can noticeably see how falling back into ED behaviors with my eating (or lack thereof) is impacting and effecting my life, decisions on a daily basis, and interactions with my hubster and others. I can’t let this ruin me again. So, maybe what I need to really do is just swallow my pride and admit that I need some help getting back on track. Is it really the worst thing? I’d rather do that and get the motivation and support I need then stay stuck where I am now…or worse yet, fall back even further.