Well I had a session with my therapist today and we were talking about ways that I can continue to challenge myself in my recovery. A few points that I still really struggle with and that we decided I needed to start challenging myself with this week are 1) eating more throughout the day, 2) not being so rigid about when I let myself eat breakfast, and 3) eating a real dinner…and not just grazing.
I know 1 and 2 directly go hand in hand. Let me explain…I have a hard time letting myself eat breakfast before a certain time in the morning. This goes back to the rigidity and “food rules” that I had for myself in the depth of my eating disorder. I’m still trying to break out of all the old habits. I know that if I eat more breakfast when I’m hungry versus when the clock tells me to do so, I will then eat more throughout the day. Makes sense, right? You start eating earlier, you get hungry for a snack earlier, etc. etc. This is wonderful concept and one I rightly and truly want to follow. Yet, it is still so hard for me to do. So, my goal is to start honoring my hunger cues in the morning and NOT following the clock. I am more motivated than ever to follow through with this. Will it be tough? Yes! Will it suck at times? I fully expect it to. But I know that I need to take a big leap and just do it! I’m ready for it.
On to number three. Oy. This one really gets me. Dinner is the hardest for me to have. I just struggle with this so much. I tend to snick-snack here and there, grazing in the evening (and sometimes [well more than some-times, more like often] I will end the evening with a great chomp fest, consuming a crap-ton of calories all very late at night, all usually very sugary and high in calories) and this is NOT the cycle I want to have for myself. So, time to re-adjust the way I handle my evenings. Time to shift the eating around a bit. Even though it is just a “simple shift” of eating more earlier in the evening, say at dinner time, and eating a small, moderate snack in the evening, it is SO hard for me to do. Yet, this is another HUGE goal I have had set for myself. I know that once I increase my food intake during the day, and get into the habit of letting myself eat a real meal for dinner, the late-night chow-down (much nicer than using the word ‘binge’) will not happen, or at least not nearly as often. And then it comes full circle…see…it always does! If I don’t have my normal late-night chow-down, I won’t wake up in the morning feeling bloated, full, uncomfortable, but rather I will actually feel hungry and ready to eat.
We talked about a few thoughts as to how to tackle dinners. I told her that I loved to cook when I was younger. She asked if that would be something I’d entertain now. And the answer is yes and no. Yes, I’d love to cook! But realistically, after working all day, cooking a nice, tasty meal is the LAST thing I want to do. So we talked strategy. Coming up with a game plan. We talked about a few different ways to do so. I could come up with a plan of what I want to have for dinner AHEAD OF TIME…either that morning or even the weekend before, etc. Deciding ahead of time what I will have won’t allow for so much wiggle-room. I’d actually have a game plan for any given night. I threw out the idea of cooking and preparing meals on the weekend, when I have a little more free time, and then being able to eat the prepared meals during the week. She loved that idea. Then, she gave me an awesome suggestion…crock pot meals! I have never used a crock pot before, but know that they’re pretty easy and would allow me to be able to have the crock pot heating up whatever I threw in there during the day and then I could come home and voila! dinner would be ready! This was absolutely a brilliant idea! She told me she had this amazing crock pot recipe book, telling me there were soooo many options to choose from and different ideas I could go with for quick, easy meals.
She told me I didn’t have to go out and buy a crock pot right away or anything, but just to entertain the idea of looking into it, or coming up with other strategies to make dinner time an easier thing for me. I loved her suggestion SO MUCH that I literally headed straight for Target on my way home to pick up a crock pot. 😀 Enter, awesome new purchase!
Why push off getting it?! This a time for me to take these challenges head-on and really make them happen. I am more motivated than ever and I seriously cannot wait to push myself. I finally feel like I have this burning desire and energy inside of me to fight and push myself outside of my comfort zone. This is my time to really challenge myself and slowly, one ED habit at a time, work my way into recovery. I’m on the right path and man does it feel good!