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You Do Your Thing, I’ll Do Mine

18 Aug

This morning when I was out for my morning walk (one of my favorite parts of my weekends), I was being passed by runner after runner…after runner.  That then got me thinking about how I used to run….and the last time that I had actually went for a run.  If some of you may remember, I decided to take a little break from running.  I decided it was best for MYSELF to stop.  Just a few minutes ago, I looked at my planner to see the last time I went for a run.  (Yeah, I used to write down all my work outs that I did each day in my planner)  My last run, which I marked down, was July 7th…over a month ago.  I honestly can’t believe it’s been that long already!  So, do I miss it?!

I can honestly say that I don’t.

In analyzing the reasons why I had been running so religiously prior to my hiatus, I realized that I was doing it for ALL THE WRONG REASONS.  Granted, I did get some benefit from it, I liked the feeling of running, I liked the sense of accomplishment I received from running, and I felt that highly-desired ‘runners high’ afterward.  But the main reasons I was choosing to run were for the wrong reasons.  I ran because I needed to burn calories, because I needed to get my heart rate up or I wasn’t ‘really exercising’, or because I had eaten more than I ‘should have’ on any given day, and needed to make up for it.  Running for me, went hand-in-hand with my eating disorder’s twisted and contorted thoughts.  I wasn’t running for the pure joy of running, I was running because my eating disorder told me I had to.

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It feels refreshing to be able to distinguish those thoughts and the reasons why I chose to run.  I am also so INCREDIBLY proud of myself for not giving in to my eating disorder and making myself run.  There was a time where I couldn’t go more than a day or two without running or I’d feel like a fat, lazy girl or that I’d gain weight if I didn’t.  But now, I have gone 42 days without running.  And I am okay!  Nothing bad happened as a result of me no longer running.  If anything, only good has come from it.

I have recently been enjoying my walks and yoga so much.  These two forms of exercise I truly enjoy and love.  While I find myself sometimes still using walking for the wrong reasons, it is more often just because I really want to enjoy the beautiful weather or some serenity in my day.  These two forms of movement are for my well being as a person.  They relax me, calm me, and allow me to feel rejuvenated.  They don’t make me feel exhausted, they don’t make me feel run down, they don’t make me feel like my legs are going to give out on me, they don’t make me feel like I need to push myself and do more than I did the day before.  They make me feel good.

So jumping back to the beginning of my post a bit.  Another thing that came to mind, while I was walking (and being passed by many runners) was the thought of comparing myself to those runners.  For a long time I rationalized, ‘if they can run, then I certainly can/should/need to run’!  But now, today, I can honestly say that I don’t think that way or feel that way.  If they want to run, then they can run.  Most likely they are in a healthier place than I am anyway, so for them it’s okay.  For me, right now, it’s not.  Just because someone else can run or chooses to run, does not mean that I should run or am healthy enough to run.  I need to be able to decide for myself when I am at a point that I can do so, not basing it off of someone else’s choices.  This was a hard thing for me to come to terms with.  I always compared myself to others and what others were able to do as far as exercise.  Yet now I can truthfully say that I DO NOT feel the need to compare myself to others with my exercise.  That is one of the most beautiful feelings.

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Not only does happiness occur when you stop comparing, but also a sense of inner peace and calm.  I can’t tell you how exhausting it is to constantly be comparing yourself to others, and then pushing yourself to do things in order to be ‘as good as’ someone else.  It is the most tiring thing.  I have done it so often in the past and it just beats you down.  I feel such peace of mind now that I can go for my walks (or do my yoga) and not compare myself with anyone else’s exercise routine.  I can go for a walk and have runner after runner…after runner pass me by and NOT feel like I should be running right along with them.  I have finally accepted that what I do needs to be done for myself and my needs, and not based off of someone else’s decisions or choices.  You do your thing, I’ll do mine.

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6 Comments

Posted by on August 18, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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6 responses to “You Do Your Thing, I’ll Do Mine

  1. di @ life of di.

    August 18, 2013 at 5:02 pm

    Congrats on this accomplishment lady. It really takes one step at a time and you seem to be really pushing forward through this set of mind. You’re really inspiring 🙂 What a great feeling to stop comparing yourself to others. I feel like I get there and then take a step back. I wish I could just stay in that mindset – slowly but surely 🙂 I’m hopeful.

     
    • Little Miss Fit

      August 18, 2013 at 7:07 pm

      Thank you so much hun! It is such a wonderful feeling and such a great place to be. It just feel so freeing and truly liberating! If you ever need to talk or want someone to chat with, I’m always here. You can email me, facebook me, text, whatever. 🙂

       
  2. Charlotte Hayes

    August 18, 2013 at 9:44 pm

    Hey lady! I just nominated you for The Liebster Award!!! Your blog deserves it 🙂 Check it out here: http://crazynypostgradlife.wordpress.com/2013/08/18/the-liebster-award-third-edition/

    <3, Charlotte

     
    • Little Miss Fit

      August 18, 2013 at 11:48 pm

      Oh goodness thank you lady! You’re too sweet! Can’t wait to do my response post! Stay tuned 😉

       
  3. princessbunnycakes

    August 20, 2013 at 3:18 am

    Thank you so much for writing this post! I can’t express how helpful it is to me. I struggle with restriction and over-exercise, and, like you, sometimes it’s difficult for me to distinguish whether I engage in physical activity to clear my head, stretch my muscles, etc., or whether it’s out of a compulsion to burn calories. My best guess is that it’s a mixture.

    I went to the gym EVERY SINGLE DAY for 4 years, skipping maybe 2 or 3 days A YEAR, only for extreme circumstances, and on those days I made sure that I still walked a ton and heavily restricted my calories to “make up for it.” In the last month, I have gone from a ridiculous compulsion to make sure I exercise at the gym every day (sometimes going twice, or doing a full workout, walking to and from work, and going to a yoga class) to going to the gym 4-5 days a week. Like you, this would have at one point immediately made me feel fat, lazy, and sure that I would immediately gain 20 pounds of pure artery-clogging fat. Instead, my body is less tired, I work out better when I do go, and weekends aren’t as stressful because I don’t need to worry about somehow fitting a gym workout in. I of course still very much struggle and am pre-occupied and paranoid about weight gain, but, little by little, I am starting to loosen up and not allow ED-related thoughts to dictate my actions.

    Writing such as yours encourage me very much, and I appreciate your posts. Thank you!

     
    • Little Miss Fit

      August 20, 2013 at 4:11 am

      First of all, I am so, so, so happy to hear that you are benefiting from my posts! That means so much to me. If i can help just one person at any given point, I am so happy to do so. It’s such a vicious cycle to be stuck in and it’s so exhausting. I completely know what you mean and how you feel. But what’s good is that you are slowly but surely trying to challenge your negative thoughts and break some of your eating disorder behaviors. Keep pushing forward and take things a step at a time, a day at a time. Each day will have it’s own struggles, but don’t let a ‘bad day’ or even just a bad moment, get you knocked down and off track. View each day as separate and a fresh clean slate, and do what you can each day to challenge yourself!

       

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