In all honesty, I haven’t been in the mood to blog. This has been the last thing on my mind and even when it did come to mind, I lost all desire or incentive to sit down and actually start writing something. Frankly, I’m kind of forcing these words right now, but I usually really enjoy it when life is going good for me, so I want to try and focus on doing things that I enjoy, now more than ever. So, in honor of that, I’m sitting here and typing, and hooking up for one of my favorites, with Katie, to focus on the Marvelous in My Monday. A big thank you for making this positive link-up possible!
Where to begin? Well I’ll be short and sweet about how rough the last week or so has been for me. On September 20th, my husband told me that he didn’t want to be married to me anymore and that divorce was the best route to take. Granted, our marriage has been rocky since day one, sadly. Between my personal issues, his personal issues, and our inability to really work well as a couple, we had rough moments right from the beginning. We took some time to figure ourselves out; working on our individual demons that prevented us from really being able to focus on our relationship with one another. I came back with a new sense of desire to make our relationship work and he…well, he didn’t. Simply put, he just didn’t think we’d ever have the type of relationship that a married couple should. So accepting the reality of that decision, the reality that divorce is in my future, was a really hard pill to swallow. Truthfully, I don’t think I’ve really fully processed it yet. I mean I accept that it’s happening, but just all of the steps moving forward will be so much to tackle. But I’ll get there, in time. That can all be figured out in time. I am extremely thankful that we are not going to proceed with a messy divorce, though. I’ve heard horror stories about divorce and that is not how we want things to go down. We want to be as amicable as possible and end things as easily on ourselves and one another as possible. Which I am really thankful for.
quotes like this have been so marvelously helpful
To top that off, a few days ago I came home at night to a facebook message from my best friend, Rachel, which basically bluntly stated that we could not be friends anymore. In part she said how her health is suffering and she needs to put herself first. She indicated she couldn’t take care of herself and be there for me, since she needs to focus on her recovery (we met in treatment for our eating disorders) and said that we shouldn’t speak anymore. In a matter of a week, I lost the two closest people I have in my life.
Needless to say, life has been pretty downright rough for me lately. But I’ve been fortunate to have some people in my life who care so much about me and have been offering me help and support. My parents have been so marvelous to me. I think I have spent sometime with them every day in the past week. Each evening, I’ve gone over there after work, and this weekend I spent time with them each day. They have been so amazing to me, truly just offering me the ability to talk to them or share anything with them that may be on my mind, or just being there to watch TV with them without talking at all, when words just fail me. I have been so appreciative of them.
We spent the afternoon together on Saturday and went to Cedarburg, a cute little town near where we live, for lunch and walking around the shops in town. The weather was absolutely gorgeous. It was sunny and around 80 degrees. You seriously can’t do any better than that for end of September in Wisconsin! We ate lunch at a place called Cream & Crepe (where, surprise surprise, their specialty are crepes). My parents got some delicious crepes for lunch and I got a sandwich. Then we all split their dessert crepe which is on special now, PUMPKIN! Mmm…it was heavenly!
I also have an amazing co-worker who has been nothing short of marvelous to me. He has been so supportive and has just been a real anchor for me at work. It’s been rough being able to focus and concentrate at work, and sometimes I just need someone to talk to or vent to or just to know what I’m going through, and he is always there for me. He, like everyone else, wishes they could do for me or help me more. But just having him there means the world to me. He truly is like a second father to me. I really believe he would do anything for me. This week, twice, he surprised me with two little pick-me-ups.
My little booger, i.e. Dexter, has been such a comfort to me lately. He is my little com-padre. It’s like he knows I’m going through a hard time right now. One day I remember just sitting on the floor and crying and he came right over to me, snuggling up next to me, and parked himself right on the floor next to me. He’s been good to snuggle with at night. Plus, he’s been good for some laughs, too. He was super interested and curious about the flowers when I brought them home from work. First he stopped to smell the flowers (haha, I’m witty, I know) and then he started to devour them…camera went down shortly after, Dexter snatched, and flowers moved to the kitchen counter where he can’t get to.
My dad was telling me about how this time of year he loves anything caramel and apple flavored. Since I’ve been trying to keep myself busy (and my mind busy) and since I had some extra time on Saturday, I thought I would try and bake something caramel apple-y. So when I got back from Cedarburg with my parents, I started searching for a recipe that I could make. I found a lot of good options, but ended up choosing the Caramel Apple Oatmeal Cookie recipe I found. I ran to the store to get a few of the ingredients I didn’t have and then started in!
This recipe was AH-MAZING! Oh my goodness. AND they were a big hit! Later that night, the family was invited over to my brother’s place to watch a movie and I brought my ‘surprise’ over to give more than half the batch to my dad (and obviously shared with my mom, brother, and his wife, too!) He was so excited! Everyone loved ’em, too! I think I found a new go-to cookie recipe. Mmhmm. My brother even asked if I could make another batch again this week, haha.
So despite all the chaos in my life right now, I’ve been fortunate enough to have some really fabulous family and friends who have been so supportive and strengthening me. It doesn’t really make the pain go away, but it does help me to get my mind off of things and serves as a distraction. I am so thankful to have some people in my world who will always stand by me and never leave me, no matter what challenges and hardships come my way. Life may not be what I’d like it to be right now, but I’m trying my hardest to keep my chin up. It’s hard. Some days and some moments I just feel miserable. But I will keep pushing forward and doing the best I can to live my life now and to rebuild and repair.