Friday, November 15, 2013 – Day 8: Love is Not Jealous
Although you may never have thought about it, there are two forms of jealousy. There is a legitimate form of jealous which is rooted in love and an illegitimate jealousy which his rooted in envy. Legitimate intimacy can take root when someone you love, who you are in a relationship with, ups and leaves you and finds someone else. That form of jealous is warranted. Say, for example, that your significant other cheats on you and finds someone else. Feeling jealous could be properly warranted in this instance, since that person was your significant other.
However, the illegitimate form of jealousy takes root in selfishness. Jealousy can creep in easily. It can happen when we see someone receiving something we want, when someone seems to have it all together while we are suffering or struggling. Most often it happens when we start comparing ourselves to others. Instead of celebrating and being happy for others’ successes, it feels angry or upset over it. If you let jealousy creep in, it can overtake your relationships, causing serious hurt and resentment to form.
When getting married, you obtain the role of being your partner’s “biggest fan”. You are there to support them, cheer them on, encourage them, and be genuinely happy for them at their successes. But if we choose to let selfishness creep in, we will be full of envy rather than happiness for them. We should view their successes, as our successes. Their accomplishments, as our accomplishments. We should feel as excited for them as we would for our own successes and achievements.
The dare for day 8:
Okay, I’ll admit I was a bit of a sissy to just light my list from yesterday on fire. So, I decided to destroy it a different way. I ripped it up into tiny pieces and flushed it down the toilet. (Even Dexter had to get in on the action!) The list was all a bunch of “waste” anyway…so down the toilet was the perfect place for it.
In order to follow through with the second part of the dare, I commended him on his skills/talents. He has been working on getting new skylights put up (with the assistance of a professional) in the last few weeks at his mom’s house. The professional came out, did the initial installation of the windows, and now Scott is finishing up all of the remainder with drywall, painting, etc. He showed me one of the windows that he had just finished up on and it looked GREAT! I am honestly in awe of what he is able to do for someone who doesn’t do anything like that as an actual occupation. He’s impressed me in the past, and I jumped at the opportunity to commend him on how great he’s doing on this particular project. He was extremely appreciative.
Questions to ponder: How hard was it to destroy the list? What are some positive experiences that you can celebrate in the life of your mate? How can you encourage them toward future successes?
The list was actually really easy to destroy. I actually didn’t give a whole lot of thought to what I was writing on the list. If I had, it could have been a lengthier list. But as I mentioned in my post yesterday, I started to feel really negative about things when I was making the list. It brought back all of the negative thoughts about him and about things from our past, which is exactly what I’m trying to rid myself of now in moving forward. So to get rid of it was so important and to show that I am not holding onto this things anymore, but really willing to let them go, once and for all.
As far as positive experiences, I think continuing to give him praise for his successes on all of the projects he’s working on at the house. Also, he went on a business trip this past week out to Volvo in Pennsylvania. He received wonderful praise and feedback from the Volvo guys he was working with, and that made him feel particularly great about how he’s doing in his field and on the particular project he’s been handling. I continue to give him commendation for things like that, because he feels great about himself when he excels with anything engineering related.
Day 8 down, 32 to go!