Saturday, November 23, 2013 – Day 16: Love Intercedes
No matter how hard you try, you will never be able to change your significant other. Even though we are aware of this, we spend a lot of our times still trying to make that happen. You may be familiar with the quote by Albert Einstein, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” This is the exact thing we are doing when we continue to try and change our significant other. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to make a change and seeing no results. Eventually you need to come to the realization that it is simply out of your control.
The Love Dare may or may not end up changing my husband. But that really isn’t the point, necessarily. It’s to show me or teach me how to take that “plunge” and to learn to love and give my all to my marriage, despite what the reward will be for me. I have been taking each day as seriously as possible, viewing it as something I want to strive to fulfill and accomplish each day. I have already seen such positive changes in myself and have also learned so much about what it means to really be in a relationship and to be committed to that relationship. There were a lot of things I was doing wrong, or to hurt our relationship, and now I’m learning how to do things right.
In carrying out these dares, it is hopeful that one’s spouse will be effected and that changes will start taking place in the marriage. But, the book reminds us that it’s something you can’t do all on your own. You need something that is outside of your hands and control, an extra oomph to help you…and that, is prayer.
Prayer is something that I’ve struggled with a lot. Growing up, I was raised in a religious home, so the concept of having a relationship with God and praying was ingrained into me. Yet, throughout the years, that has waned. It’s fluctuated a lot, some periods in my life my relationship with God was strong, other times, it was nearly non-existent. However, I have lately been trying to reconnect with God again. I think losing that connection seriously contributed to decline in my marriage. We both left God out of our relationship and that did nothing but hurt us. Now, I think it’s essential that we try and bring him into it.
The Love Dare suggests that we turn to God to pray for help in our marriage. If we feel like giving up, pray instead. If we’re worried or stressed about something, pray for peace and calm. If we’re in need of a major breakthrough, pray for the door to be opened to that. As long as we are coming from a place of humbleness our prayers will be heard.
All the things that you wish to see changed in your marriage, take them to God in prayer. Having a complaining spirit and trying to “fix” your significant other hasn’t worked and it won’t work no matter how much effort and time you put into it. Instead, pray for those things. Pray for God to open your spouse’s heart. Pray for his attitude. Pray for forgiveness to take the place of bitterness. Pray for a real breakthrough to come. Pray for the ability to open up to one another. Pray for the ability to honor and love and to allow romance and intimacy back into your relationship. When all else fails, try praying.
Dare for day 16:
Questions for pondering: Have you experienced the power of prayer in the past? What did you choose to pray about? Was it easy for you, or did it feel foreign to you?
In the past I have felt ‘the power of prayer’. If nothing else, I received a sense of calm or peace after praying. I’m not sure if anything I particularly prayed for “came true” (for lack of better way to describe it) but I do remember feeling less anxiety over things and feeling strengthened. I chose to pray that Scott would have an open heart, that he would allow himself to be vulnerable and to connect with someone intimately and openly again. I prayed that he would be willing to work at our relationship, with the mentality that we were in it for the long haul. And I prayed that we would have the strength to work through things together, as a team. It’s been getting a little easier to pray again, since I have been working on this, but it is still something that doesn’t come easy for me. But I will continue to work hard at it, as I know just how valuable it truly is.
Day 16 down, 24 to go!