Monday, November 25, 2013 – Day Eighteen: Love Seeks to Understand
When we’re interested in something, or truly care about something, we enjoy learning more about it. Whether it’s a hobby or sport or talent that we have or enjoy, we spend a lot of time learning more about it or studying it. That should be the same way we view our spouse. We should want to know and learn more about them, constantly looking for ways to build on the knowledge we have of them.
When you first start dating, you study one another to learn about that person. Each learns the other persons habits, quirks, likes and dislikes. Yet over time, after you win their heart over and marry them, the learning and studying stops. After you have the other person, it’s all too easy to view your “job” as over. Soon other interests start to take over or those feelings start to fade as you realize just how flawed and imperfect they really are.
Yet there are so many things that can be discovered about your spouse. You just have to be willing to learn and study more. The Love Dare made a great parallel. It said to think of the amount of time you studied your spouse before you married as earning your high school diploma. As time goes on, you learn more about your spouse until get a “college degree” then a “masters degree” and finally, a “doctorate degree.” It should be an education that you continue to pursue for the rest of your life, drawing ever closer to your spouse and learning more about them.
Ask yourself if you know certain things about them. Do you have an idea of what their greatest wishes and dreams are? Do you know what their fears or concerns are and why it is they have them? There is so much to learn. Oftentimes problems can arise in a relationship because you don’t understand them. They will react to situations differently than you and this may cause stress or frustration. Each oddity of your spouse’s personality has it’s history somewhere. What they think or feel or believe makes them unique. Yet if you really take them time, you can slowly learn about them.
Ask questions. Draw the other person out by engaging them in conversation. Try and get them to open up and share things with you. Let them know you want to know. Then, after you ask questions, make sure you listen…really, fully listen.
There is so much depth to your spouse. You will be amazed the more you learn about them and why they are the way they are. Jump into with enthusiasm and excitement. Cultivate the desire to know this person more than you ever have before. You will be surprised just how much you will learn if you extend yourself and make your spouse your “field of study.”
Dare for day eighteen:
Questions for pondering: What did you learn about your spouse that you didn’t know before? How could you continue this process of discovery in other ways, at other times? What were some of the moments that made this evening memorable?
Sadly, I had an appointment after work and didn’t get home until 6. Scott had to take his mom to the dentist late in the afternoon, then had to get a spare tire after that, so he was running around busy with other things. Plus, we aren’t living together now, so this dare didn’t happen, sadly. 😦 I actually loved this dare and am a bit disappointed I couldn’t make it happen. But, I actually think this is something I’d love to do in the future, regardless of it’s done on the actual day of the dare or not.
Day 18 down, 22 to go!