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here’s lookin’ at you

05 Mar

CAM01489 (1)

To the normal, average person, a tub of whipped cream like this would be nothing to give a second thought to.  You’d see it and just shrug it off as no big deal.  Unfortunately for me, the binge eater, it is much more than just a tub of whipped cream.  We’ll get into that a little bit later…

Day 5 of the 50 day binge free challenge asks: What do you usually binge on? Do you have certain trigger foods?

This is a more loaded question than one might think.  For me, it usually begins in the late night hours.  I get hungry late in the evening and around 9:30 or 10, the time I’ve designated as my time to eat, I begin to snack.  I usually start with something simple like carrots and hummus, which is admittedly one of my favorite snacks and a very healthy snack as well.  Then I usually move on to having hummus with crackers or pretzels, or both sometimes.  Another food that is a “gateway” into a binge usually is kettle korn, Walgreens’ brand to be exact.  I have all the “salty” foods first.  Then: enter, sweets.  I reason, “oh I just need a little something sweet to end the night with.”  One little bite, or so I tell myself.  That’s when things quickly spiral out of control.  That one bite sets me off, and before long, I eat more and more and more.  Anything sweet and sugary, is fair game.  That is why I try not to allow sweets of any kind into my home when I know I’m struggling with binging.  But then, I let my guard down.  I get some protein bars that taste just like a candy bar or see the newest, limited edition flavor of m&m’s and convince myself that this time I will exercise self-control and they won’t cause me to binge.  That may last (if I’m lucky!) a day or two, but then soon enough I’m wolfing down m&m’s by the handful, or eating whole protein bars like I would eat slices of green pepper or baby carrots.

Other foods that are problems for me are things that have copious amounts of servings per container.  Peanut butter, cookie butter, almond butter, you name it.  I’ve had the occasion to eat about a half jar of any of those in one ‘sitting’.  Enter: whipped cream.  The tub that I took a picture of has 50 servings.  FIFTY.

Last night was a challenging night for me.  I’ll explain why.  After work I had a dentist appointment to fill three cavities.  My whole mouth was numb until about oh, say 9 or so.  Since I didn’t eat since early in the afternoon (because I couldn’t feel my face)  I was legitimately starving by that time.  I grabbed my hummus and gluten free pretzels and chowed down like crazy.  That was fine, because I was legitimately really hungry and needed food.  But then, I felt full.  Did I stop?  Sadly, no.  I had a little bit of kettle korn.  But then all I could think about was that big tub of whipped cream.  My hubby and I love whipped cream with chocolate animal crackers.  That had always been a popular treat of ours at night.  While I haven’t been buying anything that I know I will be tempted to binge on, Scott is now back home since he is no longer house-sitting and puppy-sitting for his mom.  So he bought the tubs of whipped cream and the chocolate animal crackers.

All I could do was think about how much I wanted those chocolate animal crackers with whipped cream.  So, I went and got it and hunkered down on the couch.  Do you think that I paid attention to the 2 tbsp. serving size?  Yeah, right.  Do you think I counted out a serving of animal crackers?  Of course not.  The endless tub of whipped cream was all too tempting for me and so I gave in and ate and ate and ate.  But what’s even worse about this is the fact that I’ve been avoiding dairy and avoiding non-gluten-free foods because of my stomach problems.  So not only was I eating more than I should have, but I was eating foods that have been known to cause problems for me.

I have to realize that just because Scott can have those foods in the house, doesn’t mean I need to indulge and partake.  But admittedly, it will pose an extra challenge to try and avoid them.  I don’t think it’s right or fair for me to ask him not to buy those foods, because he can enjoy them, but I am worried about them being in the house at the same time.  Sigh.  Just have to work that much harder to get myself under control…

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2 Comments

Posted by on March 5, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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2 responses to “here’s lookin’ at you

  1. Mom to crum on a plate

    March 5, 2014 at 10:52 pm

    Good job recognizing and naming your thoughts. Awesome making connections to and identifying patterns of behavior. Your night was more successful than you are giving yourself credit for. Having the courage to write about it and share with your reader friends is yet another victory over ED. This 50 day challenge may be making ED louder however you stuck with the plan and now you are moving forward to day six. Day 5 is over……..bring on the next challenge and I am certain that you will be fearless as you face the next assignment . I had another idea to ask you…..I have read about therapy that includes your spouse. Have you done this?

     
    • Little Miss Fit

      March 6, 2014 at 4:28 am

      Thank you so much for saying that. I was definitely beating up on myself a bit, but the way you explained it makes me feel much better. I know it will be hard to break the habit and to expect perfection right away is foolish. All I have to do is pick myself up, dust myself off, and try again the next day.

      I have done a few sessions with my husband, but that was a long time ago and with someone that just didn’t work for me (or us), but maybe it would be worth trying again. Thanks for the suggestion!

       

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