You guys, this morning I ate an ORANGE! Okay, let me back up a bit…I know this probably doesn’t seem like something worth noting, but it is a huge conquest for me! First of all, I binged last night, and instead of feeling sorry for myself and telling myself to give up, I decided to push myself today. To pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep trying. This week has been a pretty crappy one as far as keeping my spirits up and not feeling defeated (I blame part of that on the dark, gloomy, rainy, dreary weather we’ve had here for over a week now!) But this morning, I was able to pull myself together and feel pretty positive despite it all.
A second reason why eating an orange is an extremely awesome accomplishment for me is because I have a small list of foods that are “acceptable” and that I let myself eat, and I eat the same things on a daily basis. It’s a hard thing for me to add new foods that I don’t normally eat…because they’re “unsafe” or not on my “approved” list. I saw an orange sitting on our kitchen counter at home. We usually don’t have oranges around the house because as I said they are 1) not on my “approved” list and 2) the hubby doesn’t eat them regularly. But, he got a few this week from his mom and he brought them home with him. So, I grabbed the orange and threw it in my bag to take to work. This alone isn’t that great of a feat. Oftentimes I will grab something I plan on eating or hope to eat, and then it makes itself back home uneaten. But this morning, I looked in my bag, saw that big orange and decided it sounded good and I wanted it! It was the most delicious thing I have had in so long. So sweet and juicy, and I think it tasted even better because it was a challenge for me!
You guys, I can’t properly express this to you, but this orange made me feel so good. It wasn’t the fruit, per se, but the action that made the difference. In that moment, I chose to fight for my recovery. In that moment, I chose to silence all those negative, eating disorder thoughts in my head, and made a choice for Elise. Yes, it is just one small step, one small change…but it’s a pretty huge hurdle and I count it as a major victory for the day. See, the more I conquer these single, individual “steps”, the more my confidence will build. I can’t wait to continue to build my momentum and keep chugging along in recovery!