So, the first week went by so quickly! It’s time for my first goals recap and also setting my goals for week 2! I have to admit that I can proudly hold my head up high while sharing my recap from this past week.
- Nutrition: Get more protein. At least two (2) nights this week, incorporate protein into my snacking.
- Behavior: Go at least one night without binging on sugary/sweet foods.
- Values: Seriously consider asking my parents if I can eat dinner with them (and do it!) or ask to go out to dinner or have them over for dinner 1 night this week
My nutrition goal was to get more protein into my diet by eating more protein at least two (2) nights this week. I accomplished that. Check. I had made up a batch of BBQ chicken (which I love love love) and was able to have it a few nights this week. It was tasty, but came from a package and had a bit too much sauce on it for my liking. But, still, I enjoyed widening out and having something that I don’t normally have and checking off my goal in the process.
My behavior goal was to go at least one night without binging on sugary/sweet foods. I not only went one night, but was able to go two nights with out binging on sugary foods. Also, while I had some sweets last night (in the form of my homemade banana oat bars) I ate much more than I should have, but it did not constitute a binge, as far as my terms are concerned. So, for all intents and purposes, I’ll say 2.5 nights I succeeded at this goal 🙂
My values goal was the most challenging, admittedly. Dinners are still so challenging for me. I’m not sure what’s the scariest thing about the idea of it, or what I fear will happen if I go out to dinner, but I definitely avoid it like the plague. I had met up with a dear friend of mine for tea last night after work and had conveyed to her that I failed at doing my values goal. (I asked her if she would be cool helping me stay on track with my goals, allowing me to share the goals I set and the progress I make, challenges I face, etc. She was totally awesome about it and agreed!) She told me it wasn’t a failure, but rather something I hadn’t accomplished just yet. What a beautiful way to put it. Here I was, getting down on myself for “failing”. That will do nothing to encourage me to keep pushing forward and setting more goals. I’m so thankful that we talked about it.
This morning, however, I was thinking a lot about this goal. I realize that I can push myself harder. That’s the purpose of these goals. I want to actively push forward and fight for my recovery. Sure, it’d be much better for me to take the easy route and not push myself, but that’s not what I’m trying to accomplish here. I felt really strong this morning, really geared towards making big changes and pushing forward in my recovery. My hubby comes home today from his trip to Texas so I shot him a text asking if he wanted to go out for dinner. He said yes, asked me where, and I told him he could pick the place we went. I can’t tell you the last time I asked him if he wanted to go out to dinner, or went out to dinner with him in general. So that alone, was a big step for me.
But, I still didn’t feel like that was enough. My goal was to either invite my family over for dinner or invite them to go out to dinner with me OR ask them if I can start joining them for dinner on a regular, ongoing basis. So, I started typing up an email to my parents. I have entertained this idea for so long and again, have always had my ED talk me out of it. Dinners just don’t happen…they haven’t happened in so long. But I know that they have to. I know that this whole grazing, snacking thing during the day and binging at night thing isn’t working for me. So, it’s time to shake it up a bit.
In my email, I mentioned the need for me (at least right now) to eat dinner with other people. I said that I wanted to talk with Scott about it too, but that I’d ideally like to eat dinner with him, my parents, or my brother and his wife each night so that I can have someone to keep me accountable. It’s much too easy for me to talk myself out of it if I’m the only one standing in my kitchen, staring down the fridge and pantry. It’s much too easy to walk away and say it’s not worth the bother. So until I can have the gumption to do it on my own, without anyone else there, I need to have someone(s) to eat with. I told them that I’d ideally like to eat dinner around 6:30 or so, so it’s a bit later and hopefully will prevent me from still wanting to binge later at night. My parents usually eat dinner early, so I told them that they could continue to eat dinner at their normal time and not to change it for my sake, but that I could come over at 6:30 and just eat on my own, with them there, while we just talk or watch TV or something. I typed up the whole email, basically indicating my desire to tackle this huge hurdle, having some accountability and support, and that if they received the email, if I got up the nerve to hit ‘Send’ then I was strong enough to silence those ED thoughts. That alone, would be a huge hurdle and accomplishment. I hit send. In that moment, I chose me. I chose recovery. I chose to push myself forward and challenge myself. I couldn’t have been any prouder of myself in that moment.
So, while my last goal was officially checked off on the 8th day of my “week” and didn’t technically fall within the week, I don’t give a bleep. It’s accomplished and it doesn’t matter that it took me a little extra time to get there. The purpose of these goals is to gain confidence in my ability to challenge my ED and push forward in recovery, not to be so hard on myself that I critique every single thing I do “right” or “wrong”. This was a successful week for me and I can’t wait to keep going forward!
5/7/14 – 5/13/14 Goals
- Nutrition: Be open to trying new things. With having dinners with my family, it can open up a whole new world to me as far as what foods I will be exposed to. My mom could potentially ask me if there are certain foods that are ‘ok’ or that I want to avoid yet, but I’d like to tell her to not change or accommodate me, but to do what they would normally do, and I will follow suit.
- Behavior: When going out to dinner 5/7/14 with Scott to Panera, do not look up nutrition facts before going and TRY not to be attention to the calories that are posted on the menu while there. Make a choice other than your normal go-to, “safe” choices.
- Values: Being truthful with my family and friends. Honesty is something I value highly. I don’t like the idea of being dishonest with people, especially those I care for deeply. Since I have now reached out to my parents (and will be doing so with Scott and my brother) they will be checking in with me and inviting me to dinner, etc. I want to be honest with them and not find ways to sneak out of doing dinner with them because my ED wants me to. I can already see the potential for that happening; for me trying to get out of doing dinner or coming up with an excuse why I can’t go on any given night. But I want to be upfront and honest with them. Even if I am struggling on a given night and don’t want to go, I want to choose to be upfront about it and tell them. No lies, no half-truths, no excuses.
Week 1 went well, and now I’m excited (and admittedly, a little bit nervous/anxious) to tackle week 2! We’ll see how it goes. Wish me luck! 😀