It has been SO nice eating like a normal person. Since I took on this 30-day promise/challenge that I made to my parents on Friday, May 16, I have really been pushing myself. I think this has been exactly what I needed in order to get myself on track and out of the “rut” that I have been stuck in for such a long time. That rut is that place between recovery and living in my eating disorder…that point where you aren’t as bad as you were, but you are still engaging in behaviors and not actively pushing yourself forward. Well this challenge I’m undertaking has been just what I needed to get me back on track and pushing forward with recovery. I am honestly surprised just how easy it’s been! But, I’ll get into that a bit more. Let’s get into some of the eats I’ve been having lately to honor WIAW. I haven’t actively participated in this link-up for SO long, since I haven’t had any normal eats that were worth sharing or that I was proud of sharing. But, that’s been changing and I am so, so happy about that.
So let’s let the fun begin!
I got this loaf of cinnamon bread and let me tell you a few things….1) this bread is absolutely delicious. and delicious as is. I don’t toast it, I don’t put anything on it. It’s so incredibly soft and tastes so incredible plain, I eat it right out of the bag. But I did try something a little different Saturday morning since I was home and toasted a slice up with almond butter and pumpkin butter. It was SO GOOD. 2) it’s REALLY hard to eat a whole loaf of bread by yourself. Scott doesn’t like sweet breads like this, so its all mine…which is great, but that means I eat a lot of it in a short period of time, otherwise it will spoil. So breakfast has included a lot of this bread.
I have also reintroduced yogurt…REAL YOGURT…back into what I eat. I had cut it out for a while since I found that it aggravated my stomach quite a bit. I recently tried almond yogurt and almost gagged on it. No lies. So, since I’m trying to reteach my stomach how to eat normally, I thought I’d try to reintroduce these previously cut-out foods back in and see how they fair this go around. I have missed these yogurts SO much!
Since I’ve been eating more, it’s forced me to expand and bust out of my “normal” foods to try new things. It’s actually not been nearly as scary as I thought it would be. I’m actually finding myself enjoying it and wanting to try more things! I’m loving everything I’ve been eating. It’s so great to view food normally and get excited about it! I’ve been hungry after my breakfast on a daily basis, so I always allow for a morning snack.
I am not at all ashamed to say that most often, on days when I have just fruit for a snack, I always follow it up with a spoonful of peanut butter. Just a smidge of fat keeps me satisfied until lunch. I LOVE peanut butter. I look for any excuse I can in order to have some 🙂
By now, you’re starting to probably see a pattern. Most of my meals are consumed at my desk. Breakfast, snacks, lunch are always at my desk. So, you’ll be bored pretty quickly with my “scenery” but it’s what I do. Lunches are pretty standard for me. I know it might look totally boring, but I love sandwiches. I could eat a sandwich everyday for the rest of my life probably. Lately I’ve been loving turkey, cheese, and a BBQ mayo spread.
Pretty uneventful, right? But it’s just so simple and SO tasty. I think I will try and be a bit more creative with my sandwiches, since I think I should expand my horizons a bit. But, why ruin a good thing, right? 🙂 I’ve really been enjoying eating. I know that sounds silly, but it’s so true. I missed eating normally. I’ve also been enjoying some really tasty dinners, too 🙂
Let’s talk about eggs for a second. This girl used to always love eggs. But my eating disorder told me regular eggs were bad news, so it was egg whites or nothing. I used to always love egg sandwiches, so this meal was a huge one for me. Real egg, cheese, Canadian bacon. I cooked the egg perfectly, with the yolk a little runny. Fabulous.
My eats during the day have been tasty and satisfying. I’ve been able to successfully resist binging at night. I feel absolutely wonderful about this. I wake up HUNGRY…instead of feeling sick, bloated, and awful about myself. I can’t tell you how much I’ve already changed in my mindset and confidence in being able to push forward in recovery in just the past five days. But this challenge I undertook has really been just the push I needed to get myself moving forward again. I’m gaining momentum with each passing day and it feels absolutely amazing. I even feel better about myself. Being stuck in the binging and under-eating cycle was miserable for me and made me feel just awful about myself. I feel so much more alive. I can’t wait to keep pushing forward with each day that passes. It’s an excitement I haven’t felt in so long. 😀