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weekend things and MIMM

Summer is quickly coming to a close now it seems.  August has come and gone, and now September is here, along with shorter days, and crisp mornings and evenings.  We still get the warmth and heat from the day yet which is really nice.  I will enjoy the warm days and cool nights as long as I can.  But there is something nice about welcoming fall now, too.  I just wish our fall lasted much, much longer.  But, I digress.  So let’s get on with the fun link-up with Katie for some Marvelous in my Monday talk.

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Before I get too far into this post, I wanted to share a picture of part of the anniversary card that I made for my brother and sister-in-law.  I had recently made a card for a co-worker and had a fun time with it, so I decided to make a card for my brother and seester’s first anniversary!  (First anniversary ALREADY!  It went just so fast!)  Because she is originally from the Philippines and only came to America in July of last year, I kind of went with that as my “theme”.  She is used to the beach and warm, tropical areas, and we, living in Wisconsin, are accustomed to cold and lots of snow!  I have to say, I thought it was a really cute idea.  The inner left side was the picture, with the right side being my long, lengthy ramblings on to my brother and seester about just how much  I love them both 🙂  Maybe I won’t be a professional card maker, but I had a blast doing it and they loved it, which is all that matters.

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Friday evening was a designated cleaning/organizing/tidying up night, since the owner of our place and his realtor scheduled an open house for Saturday morning.  Aside from all the chaos with boxes and everything, we still had to make the place look somewhat decent.  We got the place looking really great and I discovered a new love that I will never go without again.  Friday was the first night that I used a Swiffer and my life has forever changed.  Cleaning up all the cat hair in the bathrooms and kitchen had been so laborious before, and now…well now it is SOOOO much easier!  As in, almost enjoyable.  I will never go without one again and am considering investing in a wet jet, since I’ve heard good things about that one too!

Saturday morning was pretty relaxed.  I woke up pretty early which was nice.  Scott was going over to my parents today to work on a threshold for a door in the garage.  So I had the morning to myself for a while.  And of course I snagged a few pictures of my kitties.  What is a post from Little Miss Fit without some pictures of my cats?  Seriously…I call the left one, Dexter’s thriller dance.  He’s a big fan of Michael Jackson… 😉  And that belly…haha I love it.

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After a relaxing early morning, I headed over to my parent’s house while the open house was going to take place.  I had a really nice chance to just spend time talking with my mom.  We rarely get a chance to really sit down face-to-face and talk for an extended period of time.  (We talk everyday, just by email mostly)  So that was really nice.  After the open house was done, I headed on over to the house to check on the cats before leaving to meet up with a friend.  We met at Starbucks, but neither one of us were feeling too good and ended up just having water and stealing a seat on their patio 😉  I recently started a new medication and my tummy has NOT been a huge fan of it…My stomach is normally really sensitive to begin with, and coffee is really rough on my stomach (I usually get the lower acidity coffee for that reason, Folgers Simply Smooth) so I knew that stronger coffee would just be a bad idea.  She, too, has had some recent health problems and needs to really work on hydrating, so water it was for us.  But we sat ourselves in the sunshine and had a chance to chat, which was longgg overdue.  It was a really nice time, as always.

I made my way home for a bit before I was expected to meet up with my brother and seester to go to the beach/a state park.  I started feeling really crappy though and just laid on the couch when I got home…I didn’t think I’d be able to meet up with them since my stomach hurt so bad.  I started to get frustrated with my new medication, and still am considering trying to switch/not take it.  But, I emailed my NP and asked her if this would be a long-lasting side effect, or just a result of me starting a new medication and my body not adjusting to it yet.  After laying down for a while, and after thinking about just how absolutely gorgeous the weather was with temperatures in the mid 70s and sunny, knowing that the warm days are not going to last much longer, I decided to still go with my brother and seester.  I was really glad I did, too.

We took a nice hike and then relaxed by the beach.  The pain subsided a bit, and I was able to actually enjoy myself, which was really nice.  I love spending time with my brother and seester so much.  My brother and I are both dealing with some similar struggles/issues right now, although a little different, and he has been a huge support to me lately, and I to him.  We have been talking with each other everyday and sharing a lot with one another and it really helps so much having him.  And I know that the support I’m giving him helps, too, even if it just means listening to him, or having him over in the evening.  Sometimes it’s just nice to have that distraction.

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It was really nice having that time with them and being able to be outside to enjoy the weather.  We made our way home, I ran to the store to get a few things, then relaxed the rest of the night. Scott’s mom’s cat is now staying with us, and he is so ravenous.  He will eat and eat and eat non-stop, until he ends up throwing up from eating too much, too quickly.  He doesn’t know his limits…so we really have to watch his food intake.  I thought that by putting the food on top of the fridge, it would be far enough away from him so that he wouldn’t get to it.  But I was clearly wrong.  I caught him climbing on top of the counter and then on top of the fridge…so now, the food is going inside the kitchen cabinets.  If he can find his way to open those, well then he must be the smartest cat ever.

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Scott didn’t get home until after 9:30.  After he finished up at my parent’s working on the door in the garage, he went over to a friend of his mom’s (where his mom is now staying until she moves in to her new place) to help work to install the bathroom floor and re-install the toilet.  He was a busy guy, and when he came home we just relaxed together for the evening.  It was a pretty chill night, which was nice.

Sunday I woke up super late, because I stayed up super, super late on Saturday night.  So, waking up so late in the morning, I felt super groggy and out of it after getting up.  Church was at one, and I spent an hour and a half just relaxing and waking up. Meeko came and snuggled with me on the couch, which I always love.  She’s the cutest little thing.

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I finally started to feel a bit better and more alive by the time we left the house, thankfully.  After church, we went grocery shopping together.  I got a workout in when I got home after we unpacked the groceries, and then did some cleaning out of our kitchen cabinets, and did some packing.  We did A LOT of cleaning out which was good and we are going to donate a lot of things that we have no need for to Goodwill, which I feel really good about.  We found this bad boy, which clearly came from Scott’s mom and just somehow made it’s way into our cabinets and has stayed there since Scott first moved in.  All I can say is, if we had known that this sucker was in our cabinets, we would have had bacon every.single.day lololol

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I did some meal prep for the coming start of the work-week, then my brother and seester came over for the evening to watch Sunday Night Football, Broncos versus Colts.  It was a great end to the weekend.  Ready to tackle another week.  Hope you all had a fabulous weekend and a marvelous Monday!! ❤

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Posted by on September 8, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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What Makes You Feel Alive?

I asked a co-worker this question the other day, and he jokingly responded with some sort of comment about hearing his heartbeat, waking up each morning and not being dead, etc. etc.  While that is clearly a true statement, there is more to living then just being alive in a physical sense.  I was talking more about an emotional, mental and spiritual level of being alive.  As part of my recovery, I’ve been trying to establish and get a clear understanding of what it is that I enjoy about life, what types of things I do or enjoy that are more prominent and important than any eating disorder could be.  In order to fully let go of an eating disorder, which is a full-time, all-consuming job, you have to find something(s) to take the place of all your laborious thoughts and anxieties over food, weight, calories, eating, body image, and the like.  Otherwise, there’s this big void of ‘nothing’ that will fill your life.

I think I’ve struggled with finding that thing or things in the past that really make me happy, that I personally enjoy, that take me to a new level of happiness and contentment.  Since I couldn’t find anything that was ‘mine’, I felt lost.  I wanted to be good at something.  I wanted to be a good artist, or a good photographer, or a good writer.  I wanted to find my calling.  But the more that I looked for that calling, the sadder I got.  Why?  Because I was expecting just one thing to be my go-to thing.  Maybe I had a warped sense of what I needed in order to fulfill my life because my eating disorder was one big massive thing and that, and that alone is what took up all of my days.  So perhaps I thought that since my eating disorder was one beast, I had to find just one thing that could replace it and be ‘mine’.  Nevertheless, I drove myself up a wall because I am not a wonderful artist, I’m not an amazing photographer, I’m not a poet or skilled writer.

After searching and looking for the one thing that I could call my own, I gave up and felt like I’d never find it.  But then my approach changed.  Life and people aren’t made up of just one singular thing.  We are a composite of our beliefs, interests, passions, and purposes.  We are three-dimensional, with layers and depths.  How could I look for just ONE thing to fill that void?  It’s simply impossible.  So that’s when I slowly but surely started to peel away those layers of who I am and what I enjoy and love.  I started to find the things that make me feel alive.

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I started to do more things and widen out a bit and by doing so I started to be able to tell what things I enjoyed.  But it was more than that, there were some things that made time disappear, hours or minutes flew by and I had no idea.  I would have those moments where I could completely submerse myself in what I was doing and feel completely consumed by what I was doing.  It’s a healthy, natural escape that I never experienced before.  My eating disorder was that escape, only in an unhealthy way.  It allowed me to escape any feelings by restriction or by binging…either numbing the pain by starvation or numbing it by covering over it with food and more food and more food until I felt sick.  So I’ll share a few things that I recently discovered and am still working on implementing and using as my ‘go-to’ instead of resorting to eating disorder behaviors.

1) Photography.  “What I like about photographs is that they capture a moment that’s gone forever, impossible to reproduce.” – Karl Lagerfeld

Photography is beautiful.  When I pick up the camera, I have no sense of time or place.  Everything else that is on my mind completely melts away.  It’s almost as if the camera is in a complete world of it’s own and when I pick it up, I become a part of that different world.  Every other thought or concern seems to just melt away.  However, it’s not just the act of taking pictures that I love.  I also love looking at photography.  There is something so magical about a photo.  Just like the quote says, it’s a moment captured in time that can never be duplicated or replaced.  Each picture contains a story of its own.  I find that I can look at a picture and sink myself into it.  I think of the circumstances that may have led up to the picture being taken, what is captured in the picture, the story it tells, the secrets it holds, the mystery it maintains.  There is so much to be deciphered and interpreted by a picture, yet often times it’s something that is viewed differently and understood differently by each person.  I love that.  It is similar to a poem with no clear meaning or intent.  It’s left to be deciphered by the person who reads it.  Much like a picture.  I just love it.

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2) Music / Live Music / Concerts.  “There’s nothing better than live music.  It’s raw energy, and raw energy feeds the soul.” – Dhani Jones

This has been a somewhat recent discovery for me.  There is something completely electrifying about being at a concert and listening to live music, especially when the music taps into your emotions in one way or another.  I’ve had the occasion to be at some concerts that are a completely captivating experience and one that leaves you feeling completely out-of-body (but in a really great way!).  When I’m at a concert, it’s like I am a different person.  All my apprehensions, worries or fears disappear.  When I normally am super conscious of how I look and how others perceive me, at a concert, I become concerned with only how I feel in the moment, attuned to the music and how it makes me feel, and the world and everyone else in it fades away.  When prior reservations about dancing or moving to the music would be on my mind, when I let myself become part of the music and be free to move, I have no cares about how I look or what others think of me.  It’s just me and the music and it fills me with an inner peace and solitude.  I can be free.  I can be me.  It is a raw energy that just consumes me.  I feel so alive during and after I leave a concert.  It’s thrilling.

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3) Being out in nature.  “Those who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life.” – Rachel Carson
There is something so inexplicably peaceful and beautiful about being out in nature.  It’s something that can’t be felt in a shady part of a busy street.  It’s the quiet, serene woods where you hear nothing but the wind rustling the tree branches or the soft, quite sound of a stream rushing over the rocks.  It’s the scurry of four-legged creatures as they move about.  It’s the sound of waves crashing on a beach (that isn’t covered with people).  I love to appreciate the natural, raw beauty this world has to offer.  There is so much of it to experience and enjoy and take in.  I feel so at peace when I submerse myself in a natural environment, where you can’t hear cars passing by on a nearby freeway, or the sound of construction work being done down the street.  When I went to Colorado and spent time in the Rocky Mountains, I got to enjoy that kind of serenity and beauty.  There is really nothing quite like it.
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4)  Traveling.  “Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.” – Miriam Beard
There is something so magical about traveling…about going somewhere new and different.  Traveling is an adventure.  It breaks up the normal everyday monotony.  If I could travel all over the world for the rest of my days, I think that is exactly what I would do.  There is so much beauty that our world holds and I feel like I’ve only experienced such a small, insignificant fraction of it.  And the sad thing?  In my whole life, I will probably only experience a small, insignificant fraction of it…although I hope it will be a greater fraction than it is now, at least.  When a person travels, you get to experience all new surroundings, places, people and things.  It’s such a free feeling and if you do it right, it can also be an experience that allows you to grow as a person.  Each place I’ve traveled to has become a part of who I am, some places become bigger pieces than others.
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5) Being with the people and furballs I love.  “Happiness is only real when shared.” – Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild
It doesn’t matter what I do when I’m with my family and closest friends, as long as I’m with them it’s guaranteed to be a wonderful time.  I gain such happiness and personal satisfaction when I am with those I love and who love me back.  There’s a beauty that comes from being completely you, true to who you are, and I am able to be me in the fullest sense when I am with my family and closest friends.  Even my little furballs…I can be completely, unapologetically myself and they will still love me, no matter what.  To be yourself, to be loved for being yourself, there is no greater feeling in the world.  No matter where I go in life, no matter what I experience or face, I know that I will always, always, always have my family and dear friends there to provide me with strength and support.  The times we share together enrich my life.  There is nothing that comes close to being with them.  Even the simplest moments and times shared together become some of my happiest, most enjoyable and memorable times.
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As I continue forward, from this moment on, I want to continue to do more of what makes me feel truly at peace with myself and the world.  I want to enjoy life, enjoy the things that I love, and spend more time doing these things, and less time doing the things that take away from me being me, and me being happy.  Realistically, I know I need a job, but do I need the job I’m currently working in?  I don’t know.  I want to be open to entertaining the idea that ‘no, I don’t need to stay where I’m at, just because it’s safe and just because it’s comfortable.’  If there’s something that screams to me, that is calling me, I want to be there to answer that call and not just shoot it down because it’s not the safe route.
I want to seek out opportunities to do the things I really, truly love and not feel guilty for spending my time how I choose.  I also want to explore more things that make me happy and feel a sense of satisfaction and joy.  Because let me tell you what?  I think there are many more things out there for me.  I have never felt more excited about discovering what those things are.  This is my life, this is my time to LIVE my life and I want to start enjoying my days more.  Life is short, and it is fleeting.  We spend too much time doing the things we feel we should or have to do, and so little time doing the things we actually want to do.  I think now is the time for me to choose my wants over my shoulds.  I think now is the time that I let myself feel ALIVE.
 
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Posted by on August 8, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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