What a Year It’s Been! (Recap of 2013)

I thought for this week’s Marvelous in my Monday hook-up being hosted by Katie, I would do something a little different than my usual.  Usually I do a recap of some of the highlights of my past week or so, and share all the good things that happened.  This time, I thought I’d share some of the highlights of the past year since (I still can’t believe it) the year is almost over already!!

The very beginning of 2013 got off to a fun and exciting start!  For the end of 2012, Scott and I went down to South Carolina and Georgia.  We spent some time with some friends of his and on New Years Eve we went to the orange bowl in Atlanta to see Clemson play LSU.  It was my first Clemson/college game and wow did I pick a good one to go to!  We won the game in the final seconds and it was the most exciting experience EVER!

We had the chance to get all ready for the game at the fan party beforehand.  What better way to get ready for the game then to get our face painted!?  (Although Scott does look a little creepy ;))

We had a celebratory New Years kiss!  It was a great way to ring in the New Year!

Immediately after getting home, that very week, I got my first (and only, for now!) tattoo!  I had thought of the idea of what I wanted quite a long time before I got it…it was just a matter of figuring out what design I wanted it to be and where I was going to get it done.  I eventually found the design that I liked the most and after doing some research, I found the place and the artist I wanted to do it.  I went to Rockstar Tattoo & Co.

And this was what I got! 😀

What exactly is it? Well, other than the obvious: a bird.  Well it’s a phoenix, actually.  The story of the phoenix captivated me when my co-worker told me about it.  The phoenix, in Greek mythology, is a bird that is continuously reborn.  The phoenix is reborn out of the ashes of it’s predecessor (thank you wikipedia for your thorough explanation)  So for me, I viewed it for personally.  I equated myself to the phoenix.  No matter what trials and hardships I face in my life, even if they leave me completely and entirely broken down and “dead”, I will come back, stronger than before and feel ‘reborn’.  It would serve as a constant reminder that I am stronger than any challenge put before me and I will always bounce back from any struggle I face.  I loved the idea of the tattoo.  So I had no doubts about getting it.  I got it on my right side up over my ribs.  It was a teeeeeensy (and when I say teensy, I really mean EXTREMELY) awkward when I got it, because it’s placement made it necessary for my boob to be pretty much exposed while I was getting my tattoo done.  Fortunately, my tattoo guy had a separate room, instead of being out in the main tattoo shop…so only three people got a glimpse 😉  Eek.  Note to self: next time think my outfit choice through a little bit more before going.  I tried to come up with something that would work well, but I still failed!

In March, Scott and I went to one of the best shows we have ever seen before.  I heard of Lindsey Stirling through a friend and fell in love with her music right away.  She plays violin but it’s so not your normal, “classical” violin.  I heard she was coming to Milwaukee and thought maybe it’d be cool to see her live, so we got tickets.  Best.Decision.Ever.  She was not only amazing musically, but she dances around while playing and puts on such an amazing show!  We were both so impressed!  (P.S. She’s coming back to Milwaukee this year again and we already decided we’re going again!!)

In April, Scott and I went down to Chicago to see MAROON 5!  This was one concert I really REALLY wanted to go to!  Ah it was such a highlight!  We went down early to check out the city, which was also really fun.  Sadly, I did not bring my camera in because I thought it was ILLEGAL.  So I didn’t get any pictures.  I realized just how dumb that decision was when everyone was taking pictures.  😦

On May 25th, my brother and I took my parents out for their anniversary to the symphony.  It was their first time going (and ours, too, for that matter) and it was a really awesome experience.  It was probably the best anniversary gift we could have got them (second to the waffle-maker I got them years ago which they still rave about to this day telling me how it was the best gift they ever got :D)

The weekend of June 8, I went up to Merrill to visit a friend of mine that I met in treatment for my eating disorder.  We had SUCH a fun time!  We did breakfast, roaming around some towns, hiking and…..It was my first time ever riding a horse!  We went to a rodeo, too, and camped out in her trailer in her parent’s backyard.  Such a fun time!  The perfect little getaway!

June 15 was Milwaukee’s Rock n Sole run.  Scott (and I) signed up to do the quarter marathon.  Sadly, I was in a bad place with my recovery and I was unable to do the run, but I did go and supported Scott.  The weather was definitely not ideal with the rain, but the rain ended up stopping and the coolness ended up being welcomed for the runners.  I was so proud of him!  It was his first official race and he did a great job.  🙂

Every year, my company does a Brewers game tailgating outing.  So when we got the email letting us know that the game was coming up, I jumped at the chance to go again.  June 21 was the game and we all had a really fun time.  Fortunately, I work with some pretty fun people…and we are able to invite friends and family, too.  So Scott came along with me. 🙂

We can be pretty crazy sometimes…

The end of June came around, which in Milwaukee means one thing….the beginning of Summerfest!   Guys, in all my 23 years of living in Wisconsin, I never once went to Summerfest.  This year, I finally went!  A group of friends headed down to see Imagine Dragons.  I quickly realized why I hadn’t gone the 23 years that I’ve lived in Wisconsin.  haha.  It was totally not my scene (i.e. a bunch of drunken under-aged people throwing up all over and being rude pushing you) but at least I can say that I finally went!

The middle of July, Scott and I flew down to Miami!  Again, another first for me.  I had never been to Miami (or Florida at all) up til then.  Scott was standing up in a wedding of a friend of his that he’s known since high school (actually the same person we rung in the new year with down in Atlanta at the Clemson vs. LSU game) It was a really fun time.  We got to see a lot of Scott’s friends and spend time with them again which was really nice.  It was sadly a really short trip for us, but still a really rewarding one.

The end of July in Wisconsin was full of fairs and concerts.  I got to see Darius Rucker with my brother and my parents.  It was a really good show and we had a great time together.  Although, the weather was pretty cool for the end of July.

This was the very next day…I went to see Daughtry with Scott.  Keep in mind…it was the END of July…

 

August 9, I went on a trip with my brother out to LA to meet up with his fiancee, Jessa, who was flying to America from the Philippines!!  This was such a fun trip and I was so excited to meet her!  I instantly knew I would get along with her really well.  She was the sweetest, kindest, most appreciative girl.  She instantly made her way into my heart.  I knew my brother did a great job picking her out 🙂

The end of August I went to see KESHA!  That was one concert I was super excited about!  What an awesome show.  Definitely would see her again!

Just a few days after the concert, Scott and I went up to Green Bay to go to a Packers preseason game.  It was Scott’s first “game” at Lambeau Field.  He had been there for Family Fun Night, but not an actual game.  Although it wasn’t an “official” game, it was still fun to go.

August 30 was the day of my brother’s wedding.  It was pouring rain while we were getting ready and it seemed like rain might happen while the (outdoor) wedding was going to take place, but fortunately the rain stopped by the time we got to the wedding site and we were able to have good weather for the ceremony and some pictures after.

September 7, my mom, Scott, and a friend of mine went out to Madison for their NEDA walk.  It was my second one that I went to and still a very important event to be at.  This time, I was in a much different place than the last time and had a greater purpose and understanding of the significance of being there.  Plus, I felt the unity of those who suffer from eating disorders and while our struggles are all different, we all have a commonality.  It was a really powerful feeling and experience.

At the beginning of October, things were definitely at a really low place as far as my relationship with Scott.  I was having a really rough time with being on my own and dealing with everything going on.  My parents had been absolutely fabulous to me and really took me under their wing.  I also had been wanting to plan a trip with my parents for a while, and we had planned going to Galena for a little weekend getaway.  I was debating whether to cancel since I felt like I’d be no fun since I was definitely struggling with everything dealing with Scott, but we ended up deciding to go.  I’m really glad that we did.  It was a great distraction.

Toward the end of October, things were definitely at a really low place as far as my relationship with Scott.  The divorce process was underway.  My family and friends definitely stepped up and rose to the occasion, being wonderful support and strength to me through it all.  I took some PTO at work to spend some time with my brother and his wife, which I really loved and enjoyed.

At the end of November, we went to the symphony again, although this time Jessa was along and it was her first experience ever going to a performance like that.  She absolutely loved it.  Plus this time, they had the Milwaukee Symphony Chorus perform as well, which made the show that much more enjoyable.

Around Thanksgiving time, I planned a surprise trip down to Tennessee, North Carolina, and South Carolina with Scott.  Plus, the main “surprise” was the Clemson versus South Carolina game.  We had a wonderful time together.

 

The middle of December was my first business trip ever AND my first time traveling alone!  I had a trip scheduled to Philadelphia for a claims adjuster licensing course.  It was a huge trip for me in many ways and it went as perfectly as it could have.  I am so glad that I decided to go and believe in myself.

This year I enjoyed spending a lot of time with my family and friends.  My relationship with Scott neared its end.  We actually filed for divorce, but I was not willing to just give up on us.  As a result of my efforts and persistence in not giving up on us prematurely, Scott realized just how serious I was about us and making our marriage work.  As a result, he also realized that he could give more to our relationship as well.  Things have been improving greatly, more and more each day.  He has really taken things seriously and has been making huge changes and improvements.  I am so thankful for our relationship being where it’s at today.  My marriage means so much to me and I can’t imagine having lost that and having lost Scott.

Here are some of my other favorite pictures from the year:

That, folks, is my 2013 in review.  I already have some exciting things planned for 2014 and I’m super excited to jump right in!  Hope you all had some great memories and experiences in 2013 and are ready to welcome the new year!

 

Making huge strides – MIMM

Hey it’s that time of the week again…time to talk about all things marvelous!  I absolutely love hooking up with Katie over at Healthy Diva Life for Marvelous in my Monday!  This is one time each week I always do my best to post…even if life is crazy busy!  Too good to pass up 🙂

Soo my life has been ca-RAZY busy lately.  But, it’s been all good stuff!  Nothing bad or negative at all, which makes the busy-ness a lot more manageable and enjoyable!  I’ve been working like a crazy woman this past week to finish things up before my trip to Philadelphia for the whole work week coming up!  I was super proud of my ability to work ahead and knock everything out.  We had a half day on Friday and I was able to get the majority of the things done on Thursday before I left for the day and left just a few last minute things to finish up Friday morning.  It felt really good not having to run around like a crazy person trying to finish things up Friday. 🙂

This week I did a few things that I’m really proud of.  I haven’t taken the opportunity to really talk about where I’m at with my eating disorder, but there are some really positive updates that I’d like to talk about a bit and share.  In the past, declining dinner offers had become a normal Elise thing to do.  Someone would ask me to come over for dinner or go out for dinner and without a second thought I’d decline, finding some way to have an excuse not to go or to have something else going on.  The thought of dinner was frightening for me and I would avoid it at all costs.  But, that has changed.  As a perfect example, Scott’s mom invited us over for dinner and I graciously and happily accepted!  I didn’t give it a second thought.  I didn’t accept and then try and find a way not to go because I couldn’t stop thinking about the food and not wanting to eat it.  I accepted…and didn’t cancel.  I went…and enjoyed!

She made an absolutely delicious chicken and shrimp stir fry!  Her secret ingredient?  Cashews!  I don’t think I’ve ever seen or heard of anyone adding cashews to a stir fry…but apparently it was Scott’s dads suggestion years back since he loved cashews and it just stuck after that.  I thought it was delicious!  A little bit of a crunch thrown in.  We enjoyed our dinner together and enjoyed the company.

Another sign of progress?  Eating dinner and NOT thinking about it afterward.  In the past, if I would have ever eaten a meal, I would have anxiously thought it over in my  head about what I exactly consumed…trying to analyze just how many calories I had or how many sources of fat where present in what I ate.  I’d analyze, pick everything apart, analyze again…and end up feeling awful about what I had eaten because of all the ‘unknowns’.  But this time I could simply eat, enjoy my dinner, and carry on with the rest of my night.  No lingering thoughts, no guilt.

The reason we had a half day on Friday was because the company I work for was having their holiday/end-of-the-year luncheon.  It was being held across the street at the Westmoor Country Club, which is the location they pick every year since some of the executives are members there.  The email came out weeks prior, notifying us of the time and date.  I had never gone in the past for different reasons, but this year I didn’t have a valid reason not to go.  So I had a decision to make.  Was I going to let fear of the food and eating hold me back from going?  Was I going to talk myself out of it because of the ‘unknowns’ and because I was told that there is quite an elaborate meal that is prepared?

No.  I wasn’t.  I accepted!  But, like I mentioned above..sometimes after making the decision to accept, the anxiety and preoccupation with the food and eating, etc. would have caused me to try and find any way that I could talk myself out of going or find a reason why I wouldn’t be able to go.  Fear and anxiety would fill me.  How could I eat a meal with things I had no knowledge or control over ahead of time?  How could I eat a large meal in the middle of the day?  All these previous fears and concerns were so real for me and would make me find anyway to end up not going.  But instead of having all these fears, I was genuinely looking forward to going.  It was going to be a huge opportunity for me to push myself, which is something I’ve been trying to do more often.  Plus, I was just excited at the thought of having a delicious meal prepared from a fancy schmancy place like a private country club! 🙂

So the time came and I went.  No backing out, no trying to find an excuse that ‘something came up’.  I simply went and jumped in!  It was also perfectly timed because our company’s year end close just came and we got wonderful news that we did really great for the year!  So it was a great way to join in the celebration of the success of our company for the year! 🙂

We definitely got treated really well!  Guys I really wish I had taken more pictures of the food I ate.  It looked SO pretty!  For starters, we had a salad with strawberries, cherries and an orange poppy-seed dressing.  I’m usually not a huge fan of having berries/fruit in a salad, but this was really different and tasted really good!  The dressing was so different and so tasty!  Then for the main entree, we got a piece of tilapia, beef tenderloin, oven roasted potatoes, and broccoli.  It was SO good.  The tilapia and beef were so moist and tender.  I think my favorite was the potatoes though.  Mmm…they had the absolute best flavor!

Another sign of progress….eating beef!  Beef has always been a ‘forbidden food’ for me throughout my eating disorder.  Frankly, I don’t actually remember the last time I had it.  Even in my recovery now, I haven’t taken the opportunity to have anything beef.  Chicken, fish, turkey and even pork I’ve had.  But not beef.  So when I saw that slab of meat sitting on my plate, it would have been normal for me to get a bit antsy or anxious.  But you know what?  I DIDN’T.  In fact, I jumped right into it.  It was really good and I didn’t over-think it.  I just ate what I wanted and enjoyed what I had.  That was NOT it though.  (Although I was getting pretty full!)  We still had DESSERT!

Me?  Dessert?  In the middle of the day?  After having a huge meal?  And being full?  In the past, anxiety would have started to set in.  But it didn’t this time.  I was actually looking forward to seeing what dessert was!  I also looked around at everyone else that I was eating with at my table, and everyone else at the other tables, and realized they were enjoying this, they were excited for dessert, this is NORMAL.  I was being NORMAL.  And then…dessert came….

O.M.G.  This was not only pretty but SO tasty!  It was called their chocolate mousse tower!  It consisted of chocolate whipped mousse inside, an EDIBLE outer shell of chocolate (which I did not know until I saw someone else start to eat it!  I thought it was just a pretty wrapping to hold the mousse!), in a white chocolate sauce!  Garnished with a raspberry on top and some raspberry swirl in the white chocolate!  Oh.my.goodness.  I enjoyed every.single.bit of this.  If I wasn’t with co-workers and in a somewhat refined establishment, that plate could very easily have been licked clean! 😉

Granted, I was STUFFED afterward, but it was such a delicious meal all the way around.  I felt so proud of myself for going and enjoying it and not feeling guilty about eating any of it.  I simply enjoyed it, just like everyone else.  Admittedly, I did feel very full afterwards and it did cause a little bit of anxiety, but it was anxiety that was much different than in the past.  It was the realization that I ate a large meal, and felt very full, but that it was OK because I don’t eat like that normally and it was a special treat.  It was much easier to move on and not let it impact the rest of my day.

Progress is…accepting ANOTHER dinner invite in the same week!  Scott’s mom planned a family dinner for the weekend with Scott and I, her daughter and her husband, and their kids.  I accepted without a second thought…fully knowing that I would be exposing myself to many challenges all in a short period.  But I figured, the more exposure, the better, especially in such a small window of time.  Because then I can make it happen easier in my normal life.  It ended up being such a great time!  I didn’t take nearly as much pictures of the food as I should have been there was ham, potatoes, corn, noodle casserole, deviled eggs, rolls, salad, cheesecake, cookies and PLENTY of drinks consisting of wine, beer, and egg nog with brandy! 😉

 

(Guys I absolutely LOVE Russian nesting dolls!  Scott’s mom got these AWESOME measuring cups for me!  She remembered that I loved them from one conversation we had months ago!  I’ve seen measuring cups like this before and I absolutely love them!  The best gift I could have received!)

On to other ‘progress’ news…all of next week when I’m out of town, I’ll be eating lunch with the people in my class, which will be catered.  I made plans to go out to dinner with some friends who live in Maryland and are willing to make the two hour drive to Philly to see me! (YAY!!!), AND I accepted a dinner invite next Thursday out with the law firm that is sponsoring/hosting our event in Philly next week.  My initial response was to decline, but then I decided it would be really good for me.  Another way to expose myself to an experience that is a bit outside of my comfort zone.  I felt a little intimidated by the idea of going to dinner with people who are lawyers and have MUCH more experience and training than I do.  I started to think that I will have nothing to contribute to the conversation, that I’ll just sit there uncomfortably, etc. etc.  But then, I stopped that negative thinking and decided to view it as a really good opportunity to network a bit and to put myself out there.

I’ve been feeling much more confident in myself and my abilities and I’m really working on trying to believe in myself instead of being quick to shoot myself down or doubt myself.  I’ve made huge HUGE progress!  It feels absolutely amazing!  I also realize just how much being in a good place for my recovery has helped me to grow as a person. When I was really in the depths of my eating disorder, I would never have had any faith or confidence in myself, nor pushed myself to do anything outside of my comfort zone.  I also have learned to see my potential and my ability and have much more confidence in myself.  I no longer base my worth and value on being skinny, but realize that I am a strong and smart person who can do wonderful things, regardless of my weight or body.  I couldn’t be happier with my new faith and confidence in my potential.  I know sometimes I still doubt myself or my abilities, but the main point is that I’m TAKING CHANCES and not letting the doubts hold me back.  That, for me, is HUGE!  I can’t wait to see what my future holds for me! 😀

Happy Monday to you all!  I hope you had a wonderful weekend, full of rest and relaxation and feel totally renewed and rejuvenated for another week! 🙂  Have a good one, guys!

 

What I Eat Sittin’ at My Desk

Happy Wednesday!  I’m FINALLY linking up with Jenn again over at Peas & Crayons for What I Ate Wednesday!!  It’s been way way wayyy too long!

Well I am a full-time workin’ gal and my desk at work is pretty much my second home.  Literally.  I spend 9 hours of my day there.  That’s a good chunk of my time.  Don’t get me wrong…I’m not glued to my chair or anything.  I get up and move around the office.  But for the majority of my time, I’m working at my desk.  So, since I’m there nine hours of my day, that means a lot of my eating takes place there.

This week has been all about eating new, different things.  Since I have abolished artificial sweeteners, gluten, and dairy from my diet, as I mentioned here, that meant I had to switch up pretty much everything I normally ate.  So this is my Tuesday eats.  This is all new territory for me, so I’m still breaking into it.  Plus, my pictures, since the majority are taken at my desk, are God-awful.  Forgive me!

Breakfast consisted of my new GF blueberry waffles, applesauce cup and some almonds.  Nom nom nom.

Breakfast did NOT hold this girl long.  I was starving shortly after.  So I went to my numero uno favorite snack!  Banana and peanut butter!

My stomach has started to settle a bit today.  I haven’t noticed HUGE changes yet, but I am going to stick with my new eating plans.  I know it will only help me.  I know that it has definitely pushed me out of my old eating disorder habits that I didn’t even realize I still held onto.  I have had to explore new foods and try new things.  Instead of being overwhelmed by it, I’m embracing it.  I’m actually really excited about it!  I’ve been trying so many new things and I’m loving it!  Going gluten-free has not been at all restrictive, but rather, it has opened a whole new door for me!  Which leads me to lunch…

QUINOA with sliced up turkey sausage and fresh sliced tomatoes on the side!  This week was my first experience with quinoa!  I had heard so many good things about it, but hadn’t ever tried it.  I think it’s so fun to cook!  I think I enjoyed the cooking process more than the actual taste 😛  But I really do like it.  This was a vegetable quinoa box mix, so I’ll be interested to try some other types (or just plain quinoa) and experimenting with it a bit.

Well the afternoon quickly came.  Work has been keeping me busy so far this week, which I absolutely love.  The day is over before I even know it!  On my afternoon break, I snuck outside.  It was only around 40, but the sun was out…so it felt pretty nice!  I took a shameless selfie 🙂

The day drew to a close, so I made my way home for the day.  In the car on the way home, I snick snacked on some rice chex…and when I got home I munched on some jerky.  I love jerky!

After my snicky snacking, I did one of my favorite workouts via youtube, hello Billy Blanks with my taebo lovin’ 🙂  I will forever love tae bo.  Dinner sadly went un-photographed tonight.  But I did have some egg whites and some loaded baked potato soup.  So tasty!!

I went over by my parents in the evening for a while, then came home, plopped myself down on the couch and watched some old episodes of Full House, with Dexter snuggling right on my lap.  Snack before bed will either be some carrots with hummus or some homemade applesauce from a co-worker of mine.  Mmm.

Happy Wednesday!  Hope you all have some wonderful tasty eats to share!

 

Big changes + big surprises = pretty marvelous! (MIMM)

Hey hey hey guys!  So it has been so long since I’ve had a straight up regular post.  I’ve been going full-steam ahead on this whole ‘Love Dare’ thing, so that has been consuming my blog lately.  But I’ve missed chit-chatting about other things in my life.  So for this week’s Marvelous in My Monday, which is my favorite link-up of the week, thanks to Katie, I thought I’d share some other things going on in the world of muah! 🙂

First and foremost, I had previously talked about a certain surprise that I was working on for Scott.  Now I can finally talk about it.  I didn’t want to talk it up if I ended up not being able to follow through.  Sooo Scott is a HUGE Clemson Tigers fan, the college football team from Clemson, South Carolina since he went there.  They are doing really good this season (9-1, 2nd in their division!) and their last season game is Saturday, November 30 (the weekend of Thanksgiving) and they are playing South Carolina….which are their biggest rival.  So I got this brainstorm idea that it would be really cool if we could go down there for a game and since we have some days off for the holiday, we could make use of that time off.  I looked up flights, and SHEESH…the cheapest was about $450 a person!  No way, jose!  So then I decided that it would be really fun to plan a road trip!  And make it a real road trip, too…just paving our way, taking our time and doing things along the way, and ending up in South Carolina. Then, I realized I needed to get the tickets first before all this planning could happen.  So began my search…

I was shocked at how expensive the tickets were!  But eBay had some options that weren’t too crazy expensive.  So began my experimentation with eBay.  I have never purchased or attempted to purchase anything on eBay.  But, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.  So, I jumped right in.  I set up an account and placed a bid on two tickets!  I actually felt really stupid initially because I didn’t realize the bid didn’t close for over 3 days and the more time that passed, I was worried the higher the ticket prices would be if this didn’t work out.  But, I held my breath.  Thursday FINALLY came around.  I was at work, the bidding was to close around 9:15 and I was coached on how to ‘snipe’ and act a minute before the close of the bid to place my final bid.  Pressure was on…but….I WON!!!!!!!!  I can’t tell you how excited I was!!! 😀

Saturday, the tickets came via USPS certified mail.  Thank goodness I was home when the mailman came because I needed to sign for it!

Now the planning begins!  The whole thing is going to be a surprise!  I only told Scott to make sure he leaves the whole Thanksgiving weekend open.  As it gets closer, I’ll tell him we’ll be taking a road trip.  Just before we leave, I’ll tell him we’re going to South Carolina, just to get away for a bit and go somewhere warmer.  I think I’ll hold off telling him about going to the game for as long as possible.  I thought it’d be kind of fun to come up with some “clues” to give him about what we’re doing Thanksgiving weekend, where we’re going, etc. just to make it fun and keep him guessing.  But we’ll see if I’m clever enough to follow through!  I am SO excited!  I can’t even imagine how he will respond when he finds out!!! 😀

So, on to other news…aside from the excitement of planning this surprise, I’ve overall been feeling pretty miserable lately, physically.  I’ve had the worst stomach pains lately, along with some headaches almost every day this past week.  Granted, I’ve always had issues with my stomach, but the last week or two has been taken to the extreme.  I don’t really know what set it off, but has made my days almost unbearable.  At times, my stomach will start feeling better, but it always comes back again later in the day, no matter what.  It literally sucks the life out of me.  All I want to do after working all day and feeling terrible is to come home and lie on the couch.  It seems that is the only comfort I get.  I’ve went to the GI doctor before in the past, and nothing was noticeably wrong…so I don’t think I’d gain any ground by going to the doctor again.

My eating habits have been all over the place for so long.  Since the outset of my eating disorder, I’ve either been restricting on a regular basis, or binging at night, and I think that is severally messed up my digestive system.  I already had stomach issues before my eating disorder took root, and I think I just exasperated my problems.  It’s kind of scary to think of the damage I did to my body.  I don’t think my body knows what a normal eating patterns are.  It doesn’t know how to process what I give it when I feed it.  I’ve been doing so much research on different foods that could be contributing or causing me my issues.  I’ve looked into the Paleo Diet.  Felt it was too restrictive.  I’ve looked into “the Elimination Diet” which is pretty comparable to the Paleo Diet.  I’ve contemplated trying to go Gluten Free.  I never could commit because they all felt too restrictive to me.  But now, I need to make some SERIOUS changes.  I can’t keep living each day like this anymore.  Especially with things seeming to get worse.

Then, something jumped out at me.  I can’t quite recall how the thought even came to my mind, but when it hit, it stuck.  Artificial sweeteners. 

I realized just how much I consumed on a daily basis.  Before I even got out the door for the day, I’d have coffee with Sweet ‘n Low and sugar-free creamer.  Both containing sugar-substitutes.  Admittedly while I was in the depths of my eating disorder, I became addicted to popping sugar-free mints and candies on an obsessive-scale to help ward off hunger pains.  That habit never left me.  So every single day, I would still continue to eat sugar free mints…a lot of them.  Again, all containing artificial sweeteners.  Then, since I hate plain old water, I would add flavored packets to my water bottle, at least twice a day.  My Greek yogurt for breakfast?  Artificial sweetener.  Drinks before bed (diet soda, typically) all have artificial sweetener.  Every day is filled with it.  Day after day.  Week after week.  Month after month.

So I did some research on artificial sweeteners and was surprised by what I found.  Granted, I had heard things here and there about the harmful effects of artificial sweeteners, but I guess I never gave it that much thought, or took much time to really look into it.  But now I’m trying to find any culprits I can that may be contributing to my stomach issues.  So, I’ve decided to get rid of all of the sugar-free candies and foods, all of the artificial sweeteners, from my diet.  Maybe they’re not the reason for my stomach troubles, but they certainly aren’t doing me any good.  So this weekend, I took serious steps and got rid of all of the things I have which contained all of those nasty artificial sweeteners.

I think the ones which were most ‘shocking’ were the ‘no sugar added mixed fruit cups and applesauce cups.  I assumed that it would just be fruit in it’s natural state, only in a cup, not with added sugar substitutes.  This one was really eye-opening.  I’m still in shock from this one…

50% less sugar…but WAY more fiber.  So they pump it with ‘Soluble Corn Fiber’?!  In 1/4 cup there is 40% of your daily value in fiber.  That is wild to me!

In addition to getting rid of all of these things, I also cleaned out all of my candy and sweets.  Somewhere along the road with my eating disorder, I picked up the idea that eating sugar meant I was recovering.  So I started eating it…a lot.  That eventually allowed for me to turn to all the sugary garbage when I started binging.  I decided it was time to get rid of all the candy and sugar, since I am now going to try and incorporate sugar in a more sensible, healthy way.

It felt really good to get all that garbage out of the house.  I pitched all of the sugar-free stuff, since I didn’t think it wise to pass that on to anyone else.  I did let Scott take the ‘sugar’ bag home with him so he could have some and share with his niece and nephew.  I didn’t want to be wasteful and trash it all.

So this weekend has been an interesting one.  I’ve also decided that I am going to try to start going gluten-free and dairy-free as I know these foods can add to complications with digestion.  I did a lot of research online and educated myself about what foods I could have and what alternatives were available.  I was surprised to find that gluten-free is not at all as restrictive as I previously thought.  Nor is dairy-free.  The grocery store outings (yes, plural) this weekend were really educative and I got some really great things I’m excited about.  I got a lot of gluten-free foods and some dairy-free, soy alternatives.  I also am looking for some different healthy fats and got some new nut butters recently!  Plus, I got some natural sweeteners, too!

More updates will come as I start to really implement these changes in the days and weeks to come.  In just the three days that I’ve made these changes (cutting out the artificial sweeteners, cutting out/back on gluten, and getting rid of the dairy) I’ve noticed HUGE improvements already!  My stomach has already been feeling better.  If this is indicative of what will continue to be for me if I stay on track with this, then I am going to be SO SO SO happy and I will definitely stick to it!  After feeling miserable and barely getting through each day, I would be overjoyed to find that this could be a huge improvement and potential solution!

Since I’ve cut out the flavor packets that I always added to my water, and have cut out soda, I am drinking straight-up, plain old water.  I really really don’t like water.  But, I am willing to acquire a “taste” for it.  The last three days have just been straight up water (aside from my morning coffee) so I’ve allowed myself a “treat” each night.  I’ve been having a small glass of wine each night, just so I have something other than water and sort of reward myself for sticking to just water.  Mmm it tastes so much better now that it’s the only break in my otherwise boring drinking habits. 🙂

(Please don’t think I’m this huge boozer now!  The Moscato is the one I’ve been loving. Scott has had almost all of the missing Merlot when he came over for movie night on Saturday, other than a small sip that I tried.)  This weekend has been one of the most relaxing, calm, enjoyable weekends I’ve had in a while.  It was rainy on and off all weekend and I just had nothing really planned, which was amazing!  It was just a great weekend to have for myself.  Saturday night, Scott came over for a movie and Sunday night is the Packers game, but otherwise it was a nice weekend with myself and Dexter. 🙂

So that was my marvelous weekend and some updates in my life!  Hope you all had a fun, relaxing weekend and have a Marvelous Monday!!! 😀

 

Day Seven : Love Believes the Best

Thursday, November 14, 2013 – Day 7: Love Believes the Best

I am going to take a lot of today’s post directly from this particular section in The Love Dare.  The way it is explained is fabulous and it is so easy to understand.  I also feel it is so relevant and so true.  I really found it to be eye-opening and know that I will personally benefit from this section.

It started off by mentioning that there is a room deep within your heart called the Appreciation Room.  It’s the place you go when you think positive and encouraging thoughts about your spouse or significant other.  On the walls, kind words and phrases describing attributes you like about your significant other are sprawled all over the walls.  When you stop and read the words written, your appreciation deepens for them.  These words and phrases may have first been put there at the beginning of your relationship…all of the initial things that first drew you to them, or the things you started to learn and discover about them that made you fall in love with them.

But, as time passes, you may not spend as much time in that room anymore…and adding new words and phrases to that wall rarely, if ever, happens.  There is another room, lurking right around the corner, called the Depreciation Room.

These walls are covered with things that we don’t like about our spouse.  It highlights all of their little nuances, all of the things that bother and irritate us about them.  Oftentimes they got there after problems, hurt, frustration or upset about expectations that are never met.  The walls are covered with their weaknesses and failings, all of the things they have said to us that hurt us or the things that they did to wrong us.  This room houses ammunition for a fight that could ensue and frustration, emptiness, and bitterness fester here.  In this room, people fall out of love.  Marriages die in this room, divorces are planned.  The longer you spend in this room, the more you see your significant other as flawed, your marriage as a waste.

Yet, while we are aware that there is a room right down the hall that houses things we love and appreciate about our significant other, it seems that we forget those things the more we spend time in the Depreciation Room.  When we act in love, we realize that the Depreciation Room exists, however, we choose not to spend our time there.  We need to keep the door to that room closed.

When we love someone, we choose to see the best in them.  We afford for mistakes and errors.  We choose to give the benefit of the doubt.  When we act in love, we try to overshadow any of the negatives with focusing on the positives.  We need to learn to settle ourselves into the Appreciation Room.  It is so vital that we focus on the positives, on all of the wonderful qualities that our significant other does possess.  The more we focus on these qualities, the stronger our relationship will become and the happier we will be with our relationship.

I know just how much this can really impact a relationship, or really anything in life.  If you choose to focus on the negative, your whole outlook on life will be gloomy or dismal.  But if you focus on positive things and stay optimistic about things, you will feel a more positive and create a better reality as a result.  I think at times I was looking for Scott’s faults, versus looking at all of his positives and the things I truly appreciate about him.  It can be a dark hole and slippery slope.  Once you start looking for and allowing those negatives to creep in, that becomes all you think about and focus on.  The more I started to think about all the things I wasn’t happy with, the more I started to forget about all of the things that I was happy with. (The more I started to think about all of the things I didn’t like about him, the more I started to forget about all of the things that I did like about him)

The dare for day 7:

The dare: Get 2 sheets of paper.  On the first, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse.  Then do the same with negative things on the second.  Place both sheets in a secret place for another day.  At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the list and thank your spouse for demonstrating this characteristic.

I chose to thank Scott for how he always makes me feel like I can just be myself.  He never judges me or tries to change me in any way.  He has always been so supportive of me and accepting of me.  That is one thing that I truly appreciate and value about him.  It means the world to me.

The questions for pondering:  Which list was easier to make? What did this reveal about your thoughts?  What attribute did you thank your spouse for having?

I honestly felt that I started to think of the negatives first.  Which is NOT good.  I also noticed that as I started writing down the negative things, I started feeling some upset, bitterness, or anger start to rise in me.  Which is exactly the point that is being made.  The more you think about the negatives and all of the things that your significant other does that you DON’T like, the more you get sucked into that negative thinking.  It is so important to keep your focus on the positive things.  When you do that, you view your significant other in a much more positive way.  I definitely will need to constantly keep my mind focused on the things I appreciate about Scott, versus the things that frustrate me about him.

Day 7 down, 33 to go!

 

What I Ate : Weird Food Habits

I thought I’d have a little fun with this weeks’ What I Ate Wednesday link-up hosted by Jenn over at Peas & Crayons.  We all have our weird, quirky, some-what bizarre eating habits and preferences (I know I’m not the only one!)  So today I thought I’d share some of my weird food quirks with you guys. 🙂

1. I MUST have granola in my yogurt.  I never eat yogurt plain.

Granted, I do love the taste of just plain yogurt, but it is just 1000 times better with granola.  So, why settle for something that is good when you can have something better!  Am I right?!

2. I will never eat soggy cereal.

I just discovered that something this genius is actually for sale!  What a smart idea.  The thought of soggy cereal is just gross to me.  I need to have it crunchy.  My usual way of eating cereal is to pour milk in a mug and add just a smidge bit of cereal at a time, continuing to add more.  That way, I get the crunchy cereal with no sogginess!  While we’re on the topic of cereal…

3.  I love when my cereal sticks together.

Guys, for some reason this just is something I love.  And yes, I did pour a box of cheerios into a bowl to look for some pairs.  🙂  These suckers are all stuck together and I love when I find these.  Every now and then, something like this happens…

All I can say is ‘WHOA’!  😉

4.  I won’t eat regular potato chips.

These are probably the worst chips in the world.  I will never eat these flimsy, paper-thin chips.  I am a HUGE fan of baked kettle chips.  Specifically the ones that I are folded over or stuck together (extra crunch!)  My favorite flavor is barbeque.  Mmm.  I even go so far as to pick out the folded chips from a bag and leave the rest for someone else…It’s a sickness, I know!

5.  I love broken pretzels.

Why, you may ask?  Well I only like them broken in half when I’m dipping them in hummus.  That way, I don’t have to double-dip but get enough hummus for my whole pretzel.

6.  I don’t cut my sandwiches evenly in half.

This picture (old one, sorry!) kind of shows what I’m talking about…but it can often be even more drastic than this.  The reason?  I like when I’m “half way done” with my sandwich, I still have more than half to go.  It makes me feel like my sandwich is bigger than it is because my second “half” is bigger than my first. 😛 (Plus I never cut it diagonally.)

7. String cheese must always be pulled by the “strings”.

I know it shouldn’t bother me, but I really hate when people just take a big bite of string cheese.  That takes ALL of the fun out of STRINGcheese!  Otherwise,  just eat regular cheese, people!  It’s so much fun to pull the strings and eat it that way…just enjoy it! 😀

8.  When I eat multi-colored candy, I have to eat one of each color.

My most recent example, I have to eat one green, one orange, and one brown pumpkin spice m&m…it must be even and equal. It’s like this with pretty much any multi-colored candy...

9.  When I eat ice cream, I dig out all of the “chunks” 😉

Confession:  This is probably the way I am most selfish.  I am usually a very giving person, but when it comes to my ice cream and chunks (especially the brownie chunks in double fudge brown ice cream and the oreo pieces in cookies and cream ice cream) I am a totally selfish person.  I dig out all of the big chunks, just for ME!  What can I say?  One time, I even decided to add chocolate animal crackers to a carton of ice cream because there were simply not enough oreo chunks in the ice cream I got.  It was a perfect idea since the chocolate animal crackers tasted just like the oreo pieces! Muahaha.

Well those are my top “quirky”/selfish/weird eating preferences and habits.  I’m sure I have like a bazillion more (literally) but these are the ones that came to mind.

What about you?  Any weird, quirky eating preferences or habits?  I know I’m not the only one… 😛

 

Focusing on the Marvelous (MIMM)

It feels like I have been a stranger in the blogging world lately!  It’s been quite a while since I’ve taken the time to sit down and write.  Part of me has been pretty much failing to find any words worth typing.  I’ve lost a bit of my inspiration and desire lately…plus I’ve been pretty busy and just let other things take precedent over blogging.  But that being said, I miss it…a lot.  Blogging was one thing I did for myself and really benefit from and when I started crowding it out of my life, I felt the difference.  I didn’t feel as connected or rooted in my life.  I think blogging gives me time to just focus on my life and what’s going on, instead of running around like a crazy person.  It centers me and grounds me.

So I will probably try to get into a deeper post in the near future, but for now, I’ll share some happiness highlights and hook up with Katie over at Healthy Diva Eats for my favorite link-up of the week…Marvelous in My Monday.  So without further ado, let’s get this party started…

Marvelous is taking a half day on Friday to go meet up with my brother and his wife for the afternoon.  Our initial plans kind of fell apart, but we still made the best of it and ended up having a really fun time, after all.  We went to the Urban Ecology Center in Milwaukee and took a wonderful hike.  The weather couldn’t have been more perfect for a hike.  It was sunny, windy, and around 45-50 degrees.  After hiking, the initial cool breeze felt really welcomed and helped keep us comfortable for our hike.

After our hike, we went for a late lunch.  Marvelous is…a big bowl of PHO!  My brother loves loves loves pho.  🙂  Jessa also got a durian smoothie…a very marvelous treat for her.  Durian is a fruit from back home in the Philippines which is a much-loved food that is eaten very often there.  But the catch?!  It is the MOST disgusting thing EVER.  The stench of it is so repulsive and the taste…oh…the taste is awful.  For anyone who does not live there and grows up with it, you would never in a million years have the taste for it.  If you are curious about just how stinky it is…check out this short video on youtube.  It is so worth it.  I laughed SO hard.

I love this picture.  I think it’s because of the naturalness of it.  No forced smiles, no staged appearances.  Just…natural.  They’re diving into the limes right now haha

We had a really fun afternoon together.  It was definitely a much needed break from work and a great distraction from all the other stuff going on in my life right now.  That evening, I went over by my parents for a bit to watch NYPD Blue, then my brother and Jessa came over by my place to watch Full House.  Jessa caught a few episodes and loved it…and obviously my brother and I grew up with it, so it was fun to watch it again.  It’s a cute show.

Saturday was pretty marvelous.  I slept in late (9:15, I’m talking…and that is late for me!)  I had a slow start, just drinking my coffee.  Then headed out to Target.  I ended up hitting the jackpot!  I have been looking for some pants for work for the looooongest time.  Me being short, I can’t find pants that aren’t baggy at my feet.  All the pants I had been finding were either baggy in the legs, baggy by my feet, or baggy in my toosh area.  But I FINALLY found some pants that fit me perfectly!  I snatched as many as I could snag! 🙂  Plus I got some really snuggly sweaters.  I am such a huge fan of sweaters! 🙂  So it was a huge success!

After that I met up with a dear friend of mine that I haven’t seen in so long.  She was actually a bridesmaid in my wedding.  Marvelous is…catching up with an old friend over coffee.  This was the first chance I had to tell her about the divorce and she was so wonderfully supportive.  I am so glad we had a chance to get together and talk.  She’s a dear friend and I hope I’m able to spend more time with her instead of letting life get in the way.

I spent the rest of my day and night with myself.  It was actually much needed.  I did some tae bo.  Guys, I have seriously MISSED tae bo.  This used to be my go-to workout back in the day, and I hadn’t done it in forever.  But man-oh-man did I miss it and it is SUCH a good workout!  I’ve been doing it as much as I can the last week and I am loving it.  Not only is it a great workout but it is super therapeutic, too!  Billy Blanks is the man! 🙂

After my workout, I decided to whip up a batch of these fabulous cookies!  I made some changes to the original recipe, but only small tweaks.  Nom nom nom.  I seriously could have eaten the whole batch of cookie dough and not made the cookies.  Marvelous is…baking and having the WHOLE house smell like pumpkin!

After making my cookies, I was going to run to the store to grab some sushi for din din…but before I left, I saw how gorgeous the sky was looking, so I grabbed my camera before I hit the road.  That was the best decision I could have made.  I ended up driving and driving and driving just taking in the gorgeous sunset.  It started off beautifully, then just got more gorgeous as time went on.  I drove around some hilly areas near where I live just to try and get the best views I could.  It was not an expected outing, but I really enjoyed it…and got some gorgeous shots, too!  Marvelous is…unexpected journeys and gorgeous sunsets.

After returning home from my escapade and the grocery store, I hunkered down on the couch with a book I recently got from Amazon, Lessons from the End of a Marriage, by Lisa Arends.  I am so so so happy that this wonderful lady found one of my blog posts and made contact with me.  That allowed me to find her blog and receive such hope and inspiration.  Her story is absolutely heartbreaking.  I was in such shock when I started reading about what happened to her and knew I needed to get her book.  I can’t wait to keep reading and follow her on her journey of processing the loss of her husband in the worst way possible, picking up the pieces, moving forward, and becoming a better and stronger person in the end.  It also shows me that others can truly identify with what I’m going through and that if they are able to come out on the other side, I most certainly can, too!

I spent the remainder of the evening watching Knocked Up, which was actually a pretty good movie!  I was pleasantly surprised.  Sunday morning was another lazy start to the day, filled with blogging and drinking coffee. The rest of the day consisted of errands, laundry, a visit to church {(more on that at another time)} a nice walk outside, and the Packers game!

Hope you all had a lovely weekend and a Marvelous Monday!!! ❤

 

Saturday Photo Dump

Since I have a few minutes before I leave with my parents, I thought I’d just take a couple minutes to at least post the pictures from yesterday…since my initial post got deleted TWICE.  So just a picture-recap on some good moments from yesterday.  Happy Sunday e’erbody! ❤

Target goodies! 🙂

World Market and Trader Joes’ goodies! 🙂

the CUTEST mug ever at World Market.  I couldn’t pass this thing up!!

rainy day meant a perfect day for candles + music + coffee

plus, rainy day weather is fabulous for reading.  I love this book!

Dexter tried to eat the kitchen dish towel..

And also posed for me, too.  I swear, the minute I get up from that desk chair, he pounces on that thing!

Yesterday was a wonderful day.  One of the best I’ve had since the news of my imminent divorce.  It felt good to have a good day again.  I just did things that I loved, going at my own pace, totally unhurried.  I started off the morning with a lit candle, cup (or two) of coffee, and some music…just enjoying my morning.  I finally got myself going and stopped at the library.  There is just something about the library and books that just makes me really happy.  Then, I was out and about at Target, World Market, and Trader Joes.  It started to storm after I finished up at TJ’s, so I came home, did some yoga, read, and snapped some adorable pictures of Dexter.  It was just an all around good day.  I’ve been trying to do whatever I can to focus on any bit of good and happiness, since I’ve been stuck in a depressive place for a while now.  I hate that feeling and now realize I need to try and focus on good things…things that make me happy.  I need to take care of myself in every way possible now, and that means doing things that better my mental, emotional and physical health.

So today, I’m off with the parents to take a little two-day getaway and I am really looking forward to it.  I had gone back and forth for a while about whether I wanted to go or not because I was in a pretty crappy mood and felt that taking the time and spending the money to go somewhere and not enjoy it would be a waste.  But after some persuasion from a co-worker and some thought on it, I decided it would be good for me.  Everything will still be here for me to deal with when I get home, but I think recharging will be really good for me.  So off I go!  Have a fabulous rest of your weekend!

 

Long Overdue + A New = Two Liebsteroo (had to keep up with the rhyme)

Well I have definitely been slacking in responding to the Liebster Award nominations I received.  A sincere apology to Ksenija for the long, long, long delay!  I also just recently received a lovely nomination from this wonderful lady!  So, I’ll go in order that I received them.

First a little run down on what this is all about…

The nominated blogger has to:

1. Acknowledge the nominating blogger
2. Share 11 random facts about yourself
3. Answer 11 questions the nominating blogger has created for you
4. List 11 bloggers who have less than 200 followers (as best as you can tell based on the info provided!)
They should be bloggers that you believe deserve some recognition and a little blogging love!
5. Post 11 questions for the bloggers that you nominated to answer
6. Let all of the bloggers know that they’ve been nominated.  You cannot nominate the blogger that nominated you.

Eleven random facts about myself:

1) I hate shopping with other women.  I always have.  Even when I was young and it was like the ‘cool thing to do’ in going to the mall and shop with your friends, I just couldn’t do it.  Granted, I’d go along with them to just hang out, but I would never actually take the time to look for clothes for myself.  I like going on my own.  I like taking my time and not feeling rushed or hurried. 

2) I am the type of person who falls asleep right away, every night.  Seriously, once my head hits the pillow, I’m out within seconds, it seems.  I can’t remember the last time I had trouble falling asleep.  I am SO thankful for it, too.  I know of many people who struggle to fall asleep, or stay asleep, and I rarely ever have any troubles with sleeping.  Once I’m out, I’m usually out for the whole night, until I wake up in the morning.  The only time I do wake up in the middle of the night is often because of my cat waking me up.

3) I know nothing about beer.  People talk about hops and brew styles and pale ales and dark brews (I’m not sure I’m just making these things up right now, but they do sound like real things I’ve heard people talk about in reference to beer)  As much as I know nothing about beer, I do enjoy drinking it.  But then again, I can’t really tell the difference either.  Same with wines.  I never understood how someone could describe a wine as ‘oaky’ or that it tastes like it came from a barrel.  What are you people talking about!?  How could you possibly taste that?  Who knows what a barrel tastes like?  This girl, does not.  However, I again, really enjoy drinking wine.  Admittedly, I buy the cheapest stuff because I like it and I really can’t taste the difference between a cheap bottle and an expensive one!  I will never be a wine or beer connoisseur.

 

 

4) I have never owned a smartphone, to date.  Although, that is going to change this month.  My phone contract ends this month and the hubster and I are looking to get some more bang for our buck, so we’re planning on switching providers and upgrading to a smartphone.  I am pretty dumb and have really not the first clue about smartphones and which ones are good or the best route to take.  So if anyone has any suggestions, opinions, thoughts, I’d love (like really really love) to hear them!

5) I will probably live the rest of my life without ever touching a sweet potato again.  I know, healthy living bloggers, that is unheard of.  But I had anabsolutely horrible experience when I was really young.  I had been in the hospital, for quite a while, and the first food I ate when I came home was sweet potato, something my mom must have thought would be not too heavy on my stomach, but still something of substance.  Well, not to be too graphic, but it did not sit well and I ended up throwing up almost immediately after eating it.  Now even the smell of sweet potato makes me feel nauseous, so I really, really don’t think I will ever attempt to eat it again.  (I was going to include a picture of a sweet potato, but I literally got grossed out at even looking at the pictures!  no lie!)

6) I get really weird about people laying/sitting on my side of the bed or resting their head on my pillow.  That is my space.  Nice and clean and comfy for me.  I seriously don’t share my pillows with others or my side of the bed.  One time someone happened to lay in my bed to take a nap and I freaked out about it.  I didn’t know if they even used my pillow but I had to make sure I flipped it over before I rested my head on it.  Normally I’m a very sharing person, but I will not share when it comes to this!

7) I also have my ‘spot’ on the couch.  Not that I will beat anyone up over it, or make someone move if they’ve sat their tooshes in my ‘spot’.  But when the couch is totally free or it’s just the hubster and I at home, I always sit in the same.exact.spot!  Without fail!

Oh Big Bang Theory, how I love you.

8) Up until I was oooh maybe around 19 or 20 years old, I still had been collecting the Bazooka Bubble Gum comics.  Yep, you read that right.  I literally bought the gum, just for the comics.  (Plus, I do love bubble gum flavored gum, but really I could have just bought Extra)  I had a small collection of the comics and found out that my mother threw them away.  I was really, really upset.  I really don’t know why I was saving them or what I was going to do with them, but it was just what I did.  She must have thought it silly for an adult woman to save them?!  😦  I also won’t lie, I have went out of my way to see if they still sell Bazooka Bubble Gum in stores and I haven’t had any success so far…And I just looked it up and found this information “Please notice: We are sad to announce that Bazooka Bubble Gum as we knew it as kids is being discontinued by Topps. In an effort to appeal to today’s children Topps has changed just about everything including taste, shape and packaging. Bazooka Joe comics are also gone. We are deeply disappointed and when our current stock is gone we will not carry the new style. It’s just not the same.”  Oh the humanity!  I am legit disappointed.

9) I drink two cups of coffee everyday.  I have had occasions where I haven’t been able to have my normal two cups of coffee on a given day, and honestly those days just are pretty crappy.  I love my coffee…and I’m used to the caffeine, so I just end up feeling pretty ‘off’ the whole day.  The only time it really happens is if I’m traveling, or have somewhere I need to go early in the morning on the weekend and can’t stand to drink copious amounts of coffee with my need to always go to the bathroom afterward.

10) Until I was married, I never tried sushi.  I was always a little bit intimidated by it, not sure what I was going to get myself into.  My family never went out for sushi (I still don’t think my dad has ever tried one single piece!) so I never really experienced it before.  But when I met Scott, we tried different things together and he told me how great it was.  So, I gave it a shot.  My findings?  It is AH-mazing!  Now I absolutely LOVE it!

11) I love reading.  I wish I had a lot more free time to sit and read.  I view a good book as an adventure, something takes me out of my life and into the story.  I’ve been able to completely submerse myself in a good book before, and it is literally one of the best feelings in the world.  It’s similar to what happens when you see a good movie that just draws you in…you almost feel like you were a part of it or that the movie was about you and your life.  When I read a good book, I’m able to be almost part of the story, and I love that feeling.

Questions from Ksenija:

1.  What has blogging taught you?

To be more open and honest about my life, my recovery, the ups and downs that I face in the day to day.  It’s been a platform for me to be completely raw and sometimes entirely vulnerable and real.  But at the same time it has shown me that nothing bad will come from being open and honest about how you feel or what you think.  It’s shown me that it’s okay and that a lot of people can identify or relate in some way to the struggles that I face.  There’s a sense of peace knowing that you are not alone and others can understand where you face obstacles and challenges.

2.  How you your perfect day look food wise?

Hmm…(aside from perfect, 100% compliance with my meal plan, which is a given) let’s talk specifics…breakfast would be a huge waffle with pumpkin and apple butter on top, or fresh strawberries or blueberries with strawberry or blueberry sauce on top.  Lunch would be a jazzed up grilled cheese sandwich with sauteed onions and mushrooms, and hell, maybe even a big meat patty on there to make it a cheeseburger 😉 paired with a side salad with thousand island dressing and waffle fries.  Dinner would be probably something breakfast related.  I love breakfast foods.  So maybe a veggie and cheese omelette, with a side of biscuits and gravy and hash browns.  For dessert, a big slice of cheesecake with strawberry sauce on top!  (Granted, I’d have to be a hungry hippo for the duration of the day so I could eat all of this!)

3.  What is your favorite movie?

Favorite movie…hmm.  This one always gets me!  I don’t know if I really have a favorite.  But I definitely tend to prefer dramas or quirky, off-beat movies.  I’m not big into comedies because I find they are more dumb than funny.  I don’t really like horror movies because they just seem to be all the same, unrealistic, and dumb (plus, needlessly gory).

4.  Share a childhood memory!

Hmm, the first one that came to mind was from car rides when I was little, especially on long road trips.  My parents would be in the front seat, and my brother and I would be in the back seat.  I was really young and still in a booster seat.  My brother kept unbuckling my seat belt, then would ‘tattle’ on me and say that I unbuckled my seat belt.  My dad would pull the car over, I’d get a good scolding to not unbuckle my seat belt, get buckled back up and then we’d start driving again (all the while my brother was idly sitting by letting me get in trouble for something he did!)  Well, one time my dad saw him in the rear view mirror reach over to my seat belt to unbuckle me and then he got it good!  Muahaha, sweet, sweet revenge big bro! 😛

5.  What is your dream career?

Doing something that is inspiring or motivational to others, in some way.  I’d prefer it to be somehow related to eating disorders, but at the very least something with mental/behavioral health.

6.  If you came into a fortune – what would you do with it?

I think first and foremost I would give my parents quite a bit of money so that my mom could finally retire and be able to enjoy her time with my dad now.  I would also make sure they had enough money to find a new place to live, preferably a really nice condo since that is what they’re interested in now…and also to not have to worry about anything financially going forward.  I’d want them to be as worry-free as possible and to simply enjoy their remaining years together as much as possible.

I’d save a good chunk of it.  A lot of it, actually.  I’d use some money to go back to school to pursue further education.  If money was no object, I would see no reason not to pursue psychology, in hopes to someday be a therapist for eating disordered individuals, or at the very minimum, obtain a degree that would allow me to work with eating disordered individuals in some capacity.

I would donate a large portion to eating disorder organizations, like Project HEAL, that provide scholarships for those who need treatment but can’t afford it.  Also, to eating disorder treatment/advocacy.

I’d share what else I could with my other friends and family, giving what I could to them to make sure they would be assisted financially in any way possible.

7.  Where in the world would you love to live?

Any of these places that Thomas Kinkade has painted.  Plus about 100 more of his paintings.

8.  What celebrity (or character) would you love to meet one day and why?

Jennifer Lawrence.  I think she just seems like a really rockin’, down-to-earth, real girl.  I like her as an actor and as a person.  I think she would probably be really candid and pretty straight forward about anything you would talk to her about.  I think having a conversation with her would be really awesome.

9.  What makes your blog special?

I think the fact that I’m really honest.  I don’t pretend to be something I’m not, nor portray my life in a way that isn’t true or realistic.  I also don’t write about things or say things that I think others will want to hear.  I speak what is on my mind.  I’m human and I show my faults and failings.  I can show my vulnerabilities and weaknesses and I think that is a pretty special thing.

10.  Play favorites!  Which of your posts did you like the best?

Strides are strides, no matter how small, What happens when your pants don’t fit, Thoughts on what really matters, You do your thing, I’ll do mine, An honest post: treating my body with kindness
 Life lessons I’m learning lately, Change your focus, See your real worth

11.  You’re invited to my costume ball!  What costume will you wear?

Ah I really love this question!  I think the idea of a costume ball is most fabulous!  I would love to attend one some day.  It depends on if it would be a fun costume ball or a formal, fancy costume ball.  I will answer for each scenario, though.  For a formal one, probably a fancy, big ball gown with a simple mask (like you would wear for a masquerade).  For a fun one, maybe any costume inspired by Lady Gaga’s outfits.  She’s got the weirdest, quirkiest outfits ever!  (These are actually some of her most ‘normal’ ones)

 

 Now in response to the second batch:

1.  What is your favorite song to workout to?

I’m not sure if I have an absolute favorite song…but I usually find myself going to Kesha, Karmin or Cher Lloyd for some good upbeat music to get me pumped and high energy for my workouts.

2.  If you could travel anywhere, where would it be and why?

I think Italy.  I’ve always wanted to go there, for as long as I can remember.  I think it would be a fabulous place, full of lots of things to do and see.  There’s a great variety of history, art, architecture, food, and drink that would be well worth exploring and experiencing.

3.  What’s your favorite dinner to whip up for friends?

Hmm..I love making fajitas.  It’s quick, easy, and super customizable with all of the different toppings.  It’s a winner every time I make it!

4.  What was your college degree – if you are in the process, or have received one?

I have an Associates Degree in Accounting.  However, I do not do Accounting for my current profession.  I am totally okay with that.  Numbers are fine and dandy, but it can be quite boring and tedious to work with numbers all day, everyday.  I am currently thinking of going back to school, though.  (only part-time)  I will continue to work full-time at my current job and either take a couple night classes or take some online classes.  I want to either pursue nutrition science (i.e. dietitian) or human services (i.e. something related to counseling, therapy, or an intake specialist for mental/behavioral health)

5.  What’s your favorite quote?

6.  Favorite smoothie recipe?

I used to be a master smoothie maker.  When I was still living at home, come summertime, I would make big batches of smoothies for my family.  I think my favorite combination was strawberries, bananas, yogurt, and a flavored crystal light mix.  Sometimes I’d add in some honey or other mixed berries.  But the strawberry banana was always my favorite to make!

7.  What was the most significant moment in your life thus far?

As weird as this may sound, I think it was the day that I reached out and contacted an eating disorder treatment clinic for help.  It was the biggest step I could have taken and one that I do not regret.  It was one of the best decisions I think I could have made.  I was at a really, really bad point with my eating disorder.  Eating nothing but saurkraut and vegetables, and still trying to cut more and more.  I felt trapped.  Like as much as I knew I needed to eat something, I just simply couldn’t.  My mind was battling me every.single.minute.  I knew that I couldn’t go on this way.  I am just so thankful that I had the ability to rationalize and realize that I needed help; that I was really, really messed up.  Sadly, a lot of people with eating disorders don’t either want help or are too blind to their problem and think they don’t need help/that there’s nothing to fix.  Yet, I am so thankful that I saw I had a problem and could take the necessary steps in order to obtain help.  The day I called the REDI Clinic was one of the scariest yet important days of my life.  I had an intake session with one of the psychotherapists there who suggested that the best course for me to take was to be a part of their IOP (intensive outpatient program).  I was not on board with that.  Three nights a week for three hours each group…on top of working full-time?  I really was not a fan of the idea.  But on talking with some of my family and upon thinking things through, really giving it a lot of deep thought, I decided it was what I needed.  I am forever thankful that I chose to follow through.  I really don’t know where I would have ended up if I didn’t take those steps when I did.

8.  What is your favorite kind of wine & cheese duo?

I haven’t the slightest idea of what wines and cheese pair well with one another, so I really have no clue.  I know I’ve had wine and cheese before, but I never paid much attention to what wine and what cheese I had at the same time.

9.  What makes you motivated to run, workout, etc.?

In the past it was to burn calories and to lose weight.  Now, it is to incorporate exercise into my daily life in order to be the healthiest I can be.  Exercise is important in order to be healthy, and I want to do what I can to be at a healthy and happy medium with my exercise.

10.  What is your favorite yearly get away?

I don’t really have a certain place that I go each year, really.  When I was younger and living at home, my family would take a trip each year in the summertime and that was always a highlight!  We didn’t really go many places that I really loved but I always enjoyed just having that time with my family and getting away from home and work for a while.

11.  What is one emotion that blogging makes you feel?

Satisfied.  For me, I take great satisfaction in being able to write and share what is going on in my life.  For so long, I used to be an extremely closed off and private person, but that has changed so much in the last year or two.  I like writing and I like sharing my thoughts and feelings and events that are going on in my life.  So I get a great sense of happiness and joy and satisfaction in writing my words down to share them with others…and it is also very, very therapeutic for me.

 

What I Wanna Eat (And Make) in the Fall

Hey hey hey!  Fall is almost here, like literally.  Today is supposed to be 95…and three days from now it’s supposed to be 65.  That’s how we do in Wisconsin…whether we like it or not!  But, as much as I love the warm weather, I admittedly love fall.  Every.single.little.thing. about fall.  So in honor of fall’s approach, I thought I’d share some of the treats I’m looking forward to enjoying this season for this week’s link up with Jenn at Peas & Crayons.

 

Mmm I don’t know about all ya’ll, but there is nothing better than a nice warm bowl of oatmeal on a cool, fall day.  I really don’t do oatmeal in summer, but love me a nice bowl in fall and winter!  So having oatmeal back is an exciting thing. 🙂

 

I’m not a huge soup fan, truth be told, unless I have a cold or upset tummy and need some chicken noodle soup.  However, I am a huge fan of Panera’s soups.  I love them all!  Especially because you can get them in a bread bowl or you get a nice chunk of baguette on the side.  Panera’s soups go hand-in-hand with a cool, cloudy, chilly fall day.  Nothing better than snuggling up some place warm with a nice, big bowl of hot soup!  (And even better, the one near my home has a nice fireplace, so that is my ideal place to park myself!)

 

But I think what my favorite part about eating in the fall are baked goods and desserts.  Oh.my.goodness.gracious.  There are so many baked goods that I love love love.

My mom has two recipes that I look forward to her making every year!  They are to.die.for.  One is her famous zucchini bread and the other is her pumpkin chocolate chip loaf 🙂  I am dying just thinking of them!  I usually hate nuts in baked goods (or ice cream) and will never have anything with nuts in it…but, my mom always makes her zucchini bread with walnuts and that is the ONLY thing that I will make an exception for.  I admittedly would prefer it without, but it is too good to pass up!

The rest of my treats are all seasonal flavors of pumpkin and apple goodies!  Apple cider donuts, pumpkin pie parfaits, pumpkin dip, and pumpkin pudding dirt cups are all on the must-eat list for this fall.  My best friend actually had the GENIUS idea of making dirt cups with pumpkin pudding!  That’s why I love her 😉

And of course, fall would not be fall without a generous amount of apple cider (hot and cold!!!)

I can’t wait!  Fall, here we come!  Ready to get my eatin’ on 😉